Yes, I Know I'm Not The Dad

In recent years, there has been some controversy about Hallmark cards marketing Father’s Day cards to single mothers. To some, this is taboo and to others it like a fist pumping confirmations of all the hard work, struggle and sacrifice that single mom’s make to raise their kids alone. As a single mother I understand the sentiment that compels a child to thank a mother for the love and support given when a father is MIA. As well as the strong bond and support that single mothers offer each other in general, and specifically on Mother’s and Father’s Day. We have a keen understanding of what it is like to walk this road and want to offer acknowledgment of the struggle and sacrifice.

I also understand that there are hurt feelings looming in those fathers who support their children and even in those who don’t. Fathers who are actively participating in the lives of their children feel cheated, like they are getting a back handed compliment, or that they are being judged by the deeds of the so-called "dead beat dads." The so-called "dead beat" dads possibly feel frustrated by the powerlessness of their position. 

This debate opens old wounds, pitting moms vs. dads, the good parent vs. the bad parent and leaves each person in the situation broken, especially the children. One thing I realize is that we can’t judge any group of people using one broad brush stroke. Not all single mothers are good and not all non-custodial dads are bad and vice versa.

It’s not easy to be a single mom or a dad who is not with his children (at least this is what many men say who are not with their kids say). But let’s keep it real. There are some men who are not grieved or missing their kids, and they are choosing not to participate. These fathers, in my opinion, make it necessary for mom’s to fill both roles. Not being a father, but doing some of the things that a father generally does. Then when we are placed in this role we get the negative backlash. We’re accused of trying to be fathers. Don’t take my son to baseball because I want to be his father. I do it because he loves the game and he wants to participate. Keep Reading...

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