Ladies, Increase Your Libido With These 7 Simple Tricks (Sex Won’t Feel Like A Chore Anymore)
The sex life you’ve been waiting for.
Pexels Women and sexuality is a topic that's quite important in my practice. Many women come into my office, with or without their partner, concerned about their low libido and general lack of interest in sex.
The most recent Diagnostic Manual has combined female sexual arousal and desire/interest together because you cannot separate the arousal process from having sexual desire.
In other words, for many women, having the desire is a circular process, during which they must become aroused before desiring sex. For these women, arousal comes as a response to their partner and their environment, and may then lead to desire. When it comes to libido, men generally have a more linear process.
Depending on your culture, family role models, and religion you were brought up in, you may have learned some ideas about sex that deprived you of healthy sexual selfishness.
Many women have learned that sex is about pleasing the man, especially when in committed relationships.
I have heard phrases, almost always from women, that sound something like this: "I have sex with him so that he doesn't complain."
Now that does not sound like a whole lot of fun! That mindset is a chore/obligation/problem avoidance mindset. Your mindset should be one that includes mutual good feelings and sexual arousal.
What is missing from that very common "obligation" mindset is that sexual pleasure is for the female, just as much as the male. So, if you haven't yet, ask yourself, "What do I want that would make me feel good sexually?"
Many male partners learn that by being patient, less pushy, and allowing for the female partner’s sexuality to emerge, via her own questions and explorations about her body, he gets a better sex life with her. There is no difference in many homosexual couples either.
Often, one is more comfortable with their sexuality than the other and needs to slow down. They need to be patient as the other person learns how to increase sex drive and be more healthily selfish in the sexual arena.
If you're wondering how to increase libido and sexual arousal, here are 7 things to consider that may just boost your sex drive:
1. Your desires are probably different in many ways from your partner.
2. It is not only OK but also necessary for your partner to adapt to your needs.
3. It is important for you to continue giving and being tuned in to your partner’s sexual needs but you need to make it a choice and not an obligation. A healthy sexual relationship is about both people considering each other’s different sexual needs and preferences.
4. Dare to live outside your comfort zone, which may break some prohibiting rules you learned in your family of origin, culture religion, etc.
5. Find a good sex therapist to help you break through your fears and resistance on the path to more sexual pleasure and satisfaction.
6. Remember that your interest in sex will increase when you and your partner set up conditions for increased arousal.
7. Communication and openness are key. You need to develop a safe interpersonal space for sexual self-expression.
Learning how to increase female libido is a process but one that is certainly worth the wait.
Todd Creager is an expert in relationships. For over 30 years, he has worked as a relationship therapist, specializing in marriage, sex, and couples counseling. For more information, drop him an e-mail.