12 Questions To Ask Yourself To Find Out If You're Genuinely Falling In Love

Photo: Unsplash: Jordan Bauer
Am I In Love? 12 Questions To Ask Yourself To Find Out If You Have Found Your Soulmate

Riddle me this ...

Figuring out if you're genuinely falling in love and your boyfriend or girlfriend is your true soulmate can be terribly confusing.

The early stages of dating and new romantic relationships tend to be a bit confusing, so if you find yourself asking, "Am I in love?", you're certainly not alone, but there are specific questions to ask yourself in moments like this that will help you find your answer.

Feeling as though you are falling in love brings an overwhelming sense of intensity into your life.

Suddenly your mind is distracted as love strikes you out of the blue and changes everything. This is because love really does change your brain chemistry, releasing dopamine, a neurotransmitter that enables us to feel good, to feel joy about life.

As reported by graduate student Katherine Wu at Harvard University, "High levels of dopamine and a related hormone, norepinephrine, are released during attraction. These chemicals make us giddy, energetic, and euphoric, even leading to decreased appetite and insomnia — which means you actually can be so 'in love' that you can’t eat and can’t sleep."

Falling in love, therefore, really is its own kind of high.

RELATED: 18 Signs You've Fallen Into Genuine True Love With Your Soulmate

Love opens your heart to new possibilities. Falling in love can be the gateway to a whole new perspective on who you might become and how your life may develop.

It's not surprising that it makes you feel strange and different, and if you try to resist, you may be closing down a once in a lifetime opportunity for meaningful change.

If Cupid’s arrow has hit its mark, you will find yourself and your attention being drawn more and more to the object of your affection.

Think of Michael Corleone in "The Godfather", who is struck by the thunderbolt of love while hiding out under a secret identity in Sicily, only to then risk everything in order to meet Apollonia Vitelli. It is this sense of instantly falling in love that changes everything for him.

The puzzle comes in figuring out how to tell if each thunderbolt is a passing twinge of excitement or the start of something meaningful.

Some people feel like they are falling in love frequently, while others find the sudden sensation of powerfully intoxicating emotions entirely alien to them.

To help you decipher which is true for you, here are 12 questions to ask yourself if you think your boyfriend or girlfriend might be your soulmate and are wondering, "Am I in love?"

1. Do you find yourself doing new and unusual things?

Love tends to draw people out of familiar patterns and routines. When you fall in love, the rush of hormones can be quite overwhelming. The excitement makes you want to take risks, spend more money, eat meals at fancy restaurants, dance in the rain, and behave a little crazily.

2. Do you long to be with the person all of the time?

When you fall in love, you tend to become obsessed with the person. They are all you can think and talk about. Your friends may note that you keep going on about the new person, and you bask in the reflected warmth of their comments.

Then you continue to say even more about them.

3. Are you doing new things?

Are you going to listen to bands you wouldn't normally follow? Do you want to see the art films your partner loves, even though you are a strictly romantic comedy or action-adventure lover?

4. Do your feelings have an unusual and powerful intensity?

Are you full of passionate feelings about the person? When you are dating people casually, it tends to be fun, but not much more. When you are falling in love, you feel alive with passion.

5. Do you want to tell the person that you love them?

Normally, you wouldn't think of saying something as serious as that, but now you can hardly stop yourself.

Usually, you are more into casual dating, but now you want more and more of the person, and you find yourself biting your tongue to stop from saying, "I love you."

6. Do you find yourself buying the books or the music they like?

When you fall in love, you become attached not just to the person, but to the things they are attached to as well.

RELATED: How To Kiss A Guy So He’ll Never Leave You

7. Does your relationship feel easy?

Often, dating can feel like hard work, but when you feel like you are falling in love, it can feel as natural as falling off a log.

8. Do you want to send them cards and buy them gifts?

You might find yourself bored and distracted in new places, then thinking of how nice it would be if they were there with you and wanting to send them a message to buy them something small to make sure they know they were on your mind.

9. Do you find yourself not worrying about whether you are taking a risk?

Often, people will be cautious about how they behave with a new partner, whereas when you fall in love, you're more likely to cast caution to the side rather quickly. Falling in love tends to bring out the more spontaneous side of human nature.

10. Do you find yourself planning for things you want to do together in the future?

When you are dating someone casually, you may not give much thought to future plans and arrangements, whereas when you fall in love, you may find yourself pulling all kinds of ideas together. Your whole level of interest and availability is different when you're falling in love.

Even if you usually behave in a fairly unattached manner, now you are anything but.

11. Have you noticed changes to your appetite?

Falling in love tends to take your mind off of food, as your mind occupied with thoughts about the new person. Your fork twirls distractedly in your pasta, and you leave most of it on the plate, because you're just not thinking your stomach, but rather, about your heart.

12. Do you miss them as soon as they are gone?

When you fall in love and the dopamine and norepinephrine flood your system in the presence of your boyfriend or girlfriend, it is becomes difficult to bear even the shortest absences.

If your answer is "yes" to most or all of these questions, you can rest assured that you're probably falling (or have already fallen) in love.

This new relationship may be presenting you with a singular opportunity for change and development — with your genuine soulmate.

RELATED: 50 Questions To Ask Your Boyfriend Or Girlfriend (Before Your Relationship Gets Too Serious)

Toby Ingham is a UK-based psychotherapist, supervisor, writer, and speaker with over 20 years’ experience working with people who are trying to transform their lives. Contact him at his website to find out more about his work.