You Can Learn To Be Happy ... But You Have To Ask THESE 4 Questions First

The Secrets To Happiness Start With You

Whether in a coaching session or sitting in a restaurant, I frequently hear people say, "If only I could get that contract." or, "If I could just get her to go out with me!" or, "If I had a house like that (or a car or a job or a salary or an investment portfolio or a child, or…) I would be so happy."

These statements do more to hold us back than anything other people can say or do to us. 

"If only" statements are a reflection of our quest for finding fulfillment outside of ourselves.

They reinforce our belief that happiness, meaning, and safety reside in that relationship, situation or circumstance.

Turns out, it just ain't so. 


That belief is built on LIES™ – Labels, Illusions, Excuses and Stories. When we act based on LIES, it results in misdirected focus and self-inflicted disempowerment.

We get to the "if only" scenario and find that we're left with the question, "Is this all there is?"

If you find yourself feeling stuck in a situation triggered by someone else's actions or living in circumstances you wouldn't have chosen, take back your power to choose by remembering that the only person keeping you there is YOU! 

Here are few questions you can reflect on that may help you clarify your desires and give you the leverage you need to take action:

  1. "What would feel more fulfilling and satisfying than what I’m facing right now?"
  2. "For me, what would genuine happiness look and feel like?"
  3. "What am I afraid will happen if I take action?"  
  4. "Can I survive what I fear?"

Sit with these questions without expecting instant answers.

Let them wash over you as you take a few minutes every day and sit quietly, calming yourself, connecting more and more with the core of who you are. 

With committed practice, before long, the clanging, clacking, and chattering in your mind will lessen.

You'll find that quiet space within, from which the answers to your questions — your truth — will emerge.

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