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Who says that bad boy can't be the great man you end up marrying?
By Teena Evert — Last updated on Jul 24, 2022
It's perfectly okay to fall in love and be in a relationship with "bad boys."
If you're looking for love and find yourself charmed by their magnetic pull, you're not alone. Most of us fall for at least one or two bad boys in our lifetime, but not all of us know how to make a relationship work with them.
There's nothing wrong with pursuing them for a fun dating experience, a hot one-night stand, or even a long-term exclusive and healthy relationship.
What I'm saying is that, yes, it's possible that a "bad boy" might end up being the "great man" you marry!
But first, to clarify, these "bad boys" are men who are confident, assertive, and don't sweat the small stuff because they're oh-so-certain they have it all under control.
They're often honest — sometimes to a fault — and bold in their actions. There is a swagger in their attitude and behavior, which many women find particularly sexy.
However, beware because your typical bad boy tends to run hot and cold. He's spontaneous and will swoon you into a risky dose of sexual passion only to follow that up with an emotionally aloof cold shoulder.
Most people assume that if you're dating a bad boy, he's not capable of being a great man — and, certainly, he's not the right man for you, especially if you're a "good girl".
Everyone expects that you'll end up heartbroken and pissed off that you wasted your time and energy on this guy because you thought and hoped it would turn into so much more.
But if that happens, know that being heartbroken and pissed off about a failed relationship isn't the result of dating a bad boy — it's about you not knowing how to choose the right man for you or how to behave with a man who tests boundaries.
Listen, sister: Bad boys are here to stay.
It's common for a "good girl" like you to constantly feel attracted to the bad boys and vice versa. It certainly makes for an exciting beginning, as two opposites attract and ignite the love hormones like no other combination!
Good girls follow the rules (or don't get caught if they break them). They're intelligent, friendly, honest, often overly accommodating, responsible, and trustworthy.
Some people would argue that good girls are really bad girls who have not been caught. But, you decide.
That said, know that not every good girl has what it takes to hold her own with a bad boy. You just need to follow the right dating advice.
Can a bad boy turn into a great man and potentially be the right man for you to marry? The possibility is definitely more plausible when you're a good girl who knows how to date bad boys and is ready to love to her full capacity.
Here are 3 ways you can make a 'bad boy' fall in love with you:
1. Be the chooser
Don't compromise. Assess bad boys as potential mates based on how they fit with you, rather than (what most good girls do) compromise who you are in the relationship.
Don't waste time trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. Remember, this is your life.
Live it fully, the way you want with the person you want. Don't settle for less than what you deserve and please don't think you can change a bad boy! You can't.
So, don't rush into love. Take time and evaluate whether this bad boy meets your requirements (including your non-negotiable deal-breakers). Get to know him and see how he matches up against your list.
If a critical requirement or value of yours is not met — get out! Recognize there is no future in that relationship and cut your losses. If you waste time with the wrong person, you miss the right one.
Lastly, if he doesn't choose you, don't feel rejected. Understand this simply means you're not a good fit and be grateful he saved you from wasting time.
But, just because he's the bad boy (with all his strong energy) doesn't mean he has all the power. Being the chooser means honoring yourself and recognizing the relationship needs to work for you, not just him.
2. Take risks
Expand your comfort zone. Don't get stuck in a pointless, unsatisfying relationship with a man who is not compatible — you'll only waste your valuable time.
Step out of your comfort zone and take some risks to experience things you might not usually try. Be open to recognizing fun opportunities. Say "yes" to things you secretly want to try!
That said, taking risks does not mean doing something overtly dangerous or that violates your instincts. Just like you choose him, you also get to choose your boundaries.
3. Balance your heart with your head
Love and lust are heady and bad boys keep those hormones swirling around in your system!
Often logic doesn't prevail and that's where we get into trouble, especially with the bad boys.
Understand that the initial strong attraction you have to a bad boy is not based on "real" love it's driven by hormones. When the chemical reaction eventually subsides you'll quickly discover whether you're truly compatible.
While attraction is an important element in great relationships, a truly wonderful and lasting relationship balances chemistry and compatibility. So take it slow and steady. Finding a great man isn't a race.
So let that bad boy simmer for a while. Enjoy the fun, but pace yourself. The one thing all men respect — even bad boys — is a woman with healthy, self-respecting boundaries in all of her relationships.
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Teena Evert is a licensed marriage and family therapist and love relationship coach. Check out Teena's website if you're ready to have a love that lasts.