Feeling spurned? Points on discerning when it is best for both parties to let the relationship go...
"If someone can walk away from you, let them walk."
The bulk of us have heard this statement before, and it is almost always in reference to the disintegration and subsequent break up of a relationship. You are generally told this when the relationship is ending by the choice and decision of someone other than yourself. Hearing that if someone can walk away from you that you should let them is not much comfort when it is the person that you love who is choosing to do the walking. At that point, generally all you want to do is find a way to make that individual stay. For a short period of time you may even find yourself contemplating plans and plots to keep them with you, as well as being willing to compromise things that are important to you just to sustain the relationship.
So why SHOULD you let someone walk away from you just because they can? There are a few reasons, none of which are easy to hear but all are important to hear because the truth can literally set you free:
1. If someone walks away from you it is because they truly no longer want to be there, and have finally taken the steps toward their freedom from the relationship, and you. I say finally because it is very rare that someone leaves a relationship the first time that they get the inclination and the thought crosses their mind. There is generally some soul searching and weighing of pros and cons before the decision is made. Most people do not like hurting the ones that they love, nor is it easy to change your way of being. That individual is making a conscious decision to go from being a "partner" and part of a pair to solely an individual, solely one.
By the time that your partner has told you that they are ready to walk away and dissolve the relationship the decision has been made, there have been a lot of emotions going on behind the scenes that you weren’t aware of. When an individual is that ready to leave and when the status quo has become more difficult than the change and transition that will ensue- do you REALLY want them to stay with you? Do you want to keep someone with you who, for their own personal reasons, have determined that YOU are not who THEY want to be with? If you are able to remove some of the emotion from the situation and look at it as if it were happening to a friend or family member I am pretty sure that your answer would be a big resounding NO!
2. If someone is willing to walk away from you it generally means that you have ceased to get what YOU truly deserve from that individual and the relationship in general. If someone is ready to walk away then they are no longer fully invested. If they are not fully invested in you and the relationship then they are not giving you their all. As the still fully invested and "in love" partner you may have started receiving less one small piece at a time. The transition may have been so gradual that you barely noticed it.
Hindsight can be 20/20. If you take a look at where your relationship was in its "good" phase and/or in the beginning and compare it to now 9 times out of 10 you will see that the quality of the relationship, the treatment that you received, as well as the support and consideration- have diminished. Again, if this were your sister or friend what would you advise them to do? Despite the love that is still in your heart, will you willingly accept less than what you got into the relationship expecting and than what you initially received? That would mean that you went into the relationship with false pretenses, and that false pretenses are acceptable to you. If the answer to that question is yes than there may be some self worth issues at hand. Many of us have chosen to accept less than what we deserve in a given situation at one time or another. However, it does not have to be that way. If you are interested in learning another alternative that will help you get to the path of owning your power click here for your complimentary strategy session.
You are a valuable individual and for that fact alone you should not accept less than what you desire, give, and deserve.
3. The last reason that you should let someone walk away from you if they have the ability to do so is because if space is being occupied in your life then "better" can not come in. You have to clear space and toxicity before anything else can enter.
As much as it may hurt, it is always beneficial in the long run to let someone walk away from you. While it may not feel like it, that person is doing you a huge favor! That individual is giving you a gift, the gift of freedom. On a basic level they are granting you freedom from being with someone who no longer values you enough to want to share their life with you. On a grander scale they are granting you freedom to fill the space that they have created with their absence with abundance. Abundance of all of the things and individuals that ARE your ideal. Due to their absence you will no longer be settling, are open for different to come, and can take what you learned from that experience to make choices and set different intentions around who you want to give to and share your life with going forward.