5 Words Of Affirmation Couples In Healthy Relationships Say To Each Other Often

Photo: unsplash/Lucas Lenzi
5 Positive Affirmations Couples In Healthy Relationships Say To Each Other Often

When you take advantage of words of affirmation in your relationship, you'll find that it improves the connection and intimacy you have with your partner.

We all know that words can hurt. The old adage, "sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me" is hopeful at best and rarely is true.

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No matter how hard you try to erase a cruel joke, a put-down, or even a harsh criticism masquerading as a well-meaning suggestion, words can cause real damage.

The meanings we attribute to what others say about us and what we say about ourselves build up over time — they hold us back from the life experiences we want and deserve.

Self-esteem can plummet, which can make resentment and distance develop between two people — all because of the words that are used in everyday conversations.

Choosing your words carefully — especially when you're stressed out, tired, feeling unwell, distracted, or any time at all — is oh-so-important.

Healthy communication — between you and you and between you and your partner — is a cornerstone of a happy and healthy relationship.

What's sometimes overlooked is that the flip side is also true about communication.

Not only can words be used in emotionally damaging ways, but they can also be used to intentionally create, sustain, and enhance the amazing relationship and life you want.

The tricky thing is, according to experts Mark Waldman and Dr. Andrew Newberg, it takes repetition and a conscious effort to positively influence the brain with positive words.

While studies showed a quick and unpleasant effect on the brain from negative words (like "No", for example), the effects of positive words don't seem to be as immediate or dramatic.

Warm, cuddly, and appreciative words don't set off a similar set of instant neurochemicals as happens with the alarms that cause stress, anxiety, depression, and more, that result from critical or hateful words.

That doesn't, of course, mean that it's pointless to include supportive and kind words in your talk to yourself and to those you are in relationships with.

Researchers have documented that, when positive words and affirmations are used on a regular basis, the motivational centers of the brain are stimulated and this also helps build up resilience upon which we can lean when challenges arise.

Positive words of affirmation feel good and they are good for us in the long-term too!

The reminder here is to make sure you're incorporating uplifting, loving, and truly helpful words into your daily vocabulary as you talk to yourself and to your partner.

The advice from the experts is to speak positive words slowly, clearly, and, most important of all, genuinely mean them.

So, whether you're in a relationship or not, make it your daily goal to speak positive words every day.

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Here are 5 essential positive words of affirmation to get you started in paving the way for the healthy relationship you deserve.

1. "Yes"

The danger of this seemingly positive word is that if you habitually say "yes" when you really feel "no," you negate its beneficial and expansive power.

Be honest with yourself and explore both your internal "no" reaction and the pressure to automatically say "yes."

Invite yourself to find genuine ways to say "yes," even if you're not agreeing to every request that comes your way.

2. "And"

This is a seemingly neutral word that can be surprisingly positive when used in particular ways. Too often, we tend to think in "either/or" terms.

This is particularly the case when disagreements arise in relationships, but it happens internally too.

Search for the "and" in the conversations you have, both the easy and difficult ones, too. For instance: "I love you and I want us to work on this problem together."

3. "Thank you"

Gratitude words like "thank you," "I appreciate you," and "I'm grateful for what you do" are some of the most power-packed phrases to make a habit of including in your everyday vocabulary.

Be specific when you express appreciation to show that you really are paying attention to the "little" gestures and the incremental improvements you see.

4. "Support"

If you're ever at a loss for something positive to say when your partner is mad, sad, or seems down, ask the question, "how can I help support you?"

You can't fix a bad situation for the one you love, but you can let him or her know you're here and ready to do what you can.

As silly as it may sound, this is also a question you can ask yourself when you're going through a tough time. The sense of being supported in a meaningful way is one of the most feel-good feelings there is.

5. "We"

Healthy relationships have strong connections. So, regularly talk about your connection with your partner. Observe and, if you're unsure, ask what enhances the connection in your relationship and what doesn't.

The connection is all about the everyday words and actions that keep you close and lets you know that you're on the same "team."

In fact, research has found that "we-talk" is one of the strongest predictors of a healthy relationship.

Why not make your connection not just a goal in your relationship but also a topic of conversation?

Three more words to be sure to include in your talk, actions, and attitude are these: love, respect, and presence.

Let your partner know how much you truly love and respect them by being focused and present when you two are communicating with each other or just silently spending time together.

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Susie and Otto Collins are Certified Transformative Coaches who help awaken love and possibilities in your life.