Are You Undateable?: Find Out What's Keeping You From Finding Love

Are you "undateable"? Here's a look at areas that you can assess if you need to make some changes!

woman with flowers just dumped

While the TV comedy show “Undateable” takes place in Detroit, there are plenty of people who keep themselves “undateable” because they have things that keep them from meeting people who can add to their life. As a matchmaking and a dating coach in Chicago, I see people continue to put up barriers that keep them from meeting people that may be great people that can lead them to love.


Do you recognize yourself in any of these barriers?

1. You are geographically undesirable for your age group.

Different age groups have different places that people tend to live. If you live way outside of the areas where people your own age live, it makes it harder to meet people without major effort. If you are in your 20s and 30s younger, living closer to the major cities can offer you more opportunities to meet other singles. If you are a recent empty nester, don’t always assume that moving back to the city is going to offer you the best option to meet other singles. Many 40s and 50s still live in the suburbs.


2. You have to have someone that is a certain height or hair color before you consider meeting them.

Guys cannot all be tall, dark and handsome. I’ve had women tell me that they don’t want to consider men because the guys are only 5’10” and blonde, I’ve had women tell me they don’t want to consider men who are 5’8” and dark hair. Ladies are often very sensitive about their weight, so think about this “rule” before you turn down meeting great guys, for just a few hours of time.

3. You smoke.

Many people will turn you down if you smoke. There isn’t any negotiation on this one. It’s expensive, unhealthy, and often put in my "absolute deal breakers” by most clients.


4. You don’t put any effort into a first date, from the outfit to the attitude.

I’ve heard the excuses; you’ve been on a million first bad dates, you don’t feel like this needs to be anything special. However, most men (and women) notice when someone doesn’t seem interested in them. Come prepared with conversation that you feel you can connect on, spend time getting excited that THIS time love can happen. If you need a break from dating, take one instead of going through the motions.

5. You expect any potential dates to read your mind.

People lead VERY busy lives. Just because you start talking to someone great, doesn’t mean that they understand your schedule or your preferences for a first date. If someone suggests a place or time that doesn’t work, offer alternatives, instead of just expecting someone to understand your needs.


While dating is a more complicated process, it doesn’t mean that you can’t have fun. In order to be more “dateable” be conscious of how you come across and make yourself available- between where you live, who you’ll give a chance, to understanding undesirable habits. Love can happen, as long as you make yourself accessible and open to meeting someone.