How To Use Your Feminine Energy To Win At Life And Love

Your greatest power is your femininity. Ironically, somehow our femininity got lost along our journey to empowerment. The experience that we have of a woman who is truly in her feminine prime is called "feminine radiance." When a man experiences a woman's feminine radiance, he is captivated and magnetized to her, like a moth to a flame. Unlike what most women think, true femininity is not weakness.

Femininity comes from a willingness to be vulnerable. And anyone who is vulnerably open will tell you that it takes a hell of a lot more strength to be open(feminine) than it does to protect yourself and close up (masculine). Unfortunately, in today's society it is quite rare to experience a woman who is authentically open in her feminine radiance. Out of our need to adapt and provide for ourselves and our families, decades ago women started entering the workforce. And I don't know about you, but when I entered corporate America, I very quickly got the message.

  • "Leave your emotions at home."
  • "Leave your family (problems) at home."
  • "This is a place of business; it's not emotional."
  • "You need to stay sharp, be strong, and focus."
  • "Get it done, show results. Produce, produce, produce."

These are all masculine directives; no room for the feminine there. So, what did we do? Women excel at adapting for our survival. We got really good at wearing our masculine mask and using our masculine tools at work. Perhaps like many women, each time you experience disappointment, heart ache, sadness, loneliness or frustration you reach for your masculine mask and masculine tools to feel "less hurt."  And your masculine mask and tools that you get so rewarded for at work start to seep into your "personal" life.

That was the experience that I had, back when I was known as the Ice Princess. Luckily for me, life had a plan for me. I had an experience that broke me out of my masculine mask and allowed me to open to my feminine radiance for a moment, enough to get a taste of it. It took me about a year to find my feminine energy and figure out how to cultivate it and find the power in it. As I did, I began to see that I was not the only woman who was stuck in her masculine and disconnected from her feminine. In fact, I feel that it is an epidemic in today's society. Finding feminine role models is very rare, and we are not teaching our girls to be feminine.

As women, we have evolved to provide for ourselves, empower ourselves, lead ourselves and be do and have anything a man can be, do or have. And that's all fantastic — except when it runs amuck.

Empowered is great, freedom is a must, but independence in spite of men, refusing to allow anyone else to provide for you out of fear that it will be taken away, providing for yourself to the point that there is no room for him to provide for you (when providing is like oxygen for him), that's when our masculine abilities have run amuck and are hurting us more than helping us.

So, what is femininity and how do you access yours? I've studied this for years now. I spent more than a year trying to find my feminine energy and have dedicated myself for years to cultivating it and teaching others. Here is what I have found to be true. Femininity is openness. That's all it is. Your femininity is your level of openness. It's not about your "sexuality," your "prettiness," your "hair" or your "makeup." It's entirely about your energy.

If you want to understand your femininity level, just ask yourself one question — "How open are you?" Where is your center of gravity on a daily basis? On a zero to ten scale, how open are you? That's your level of feminine energy. And it's not cemented in stone; it can change in an instant.

Feminine energy is your openness. And your flavor of femininity is when your openness meets your authenticity. Your authentic femininity has a flavor unique to you. You can't model my flavor of feminine energy or anyone else's. By definition, in order for you to open to your feminine radiance, it has to be authentic for you. It must be yours. That's why I say it has nothing to do with your hair, your clothes or your makeup. Femininity is not a tight skirt or a color of lipstick. Femininity is your openness, expressed through your authentic self.

In fact, you cannot be your most authentic self as a woman, unless you are living in your femininity. Being anything other than open in your feminine radiance is not authentic. And that is what a man feels in a woman — her openness. Women don't give men enough credit. A man who is rooted in his mature masculine energy can feel a woman's openness a mile away. As my husband Paul says, he can see a woman across a parking lot in a down coat and a hat and know immediately if she is in her feminine or her masculine; he can feel it. Men have a radar for a woman's openness. He may not have the vocabulary to call it that, but he can feel if she is open or closed. Some men refer to it as being able to feel if she can be "made happy" or not. If she is open to him, he can feel it. If she is closed to him by withdrawing, punishing or being unable to be made happy, he can feel that too.

When a mature masculine man is in the presence of a woman in her feminine radiance, he is called forward to serve her. He can't help it. It's how he is wired. If this has not been your experience of men, then I ask you, how open are you in that moment (zero to ten)? When a women is completely open to a man, able to be made happy, and willing to be vulnerable, with positive intention for men in her heart, men are called forth to serve her. That is her greatest power. Her vulnerability. But in the beginning it takes courage to be vulnerable and open; that's why it's so rare.

Women have tremendous power, but it's not in their masculine energy; it's when they truly embrace their feminine energy. I experience this daily. Of course, from Paul, my husband, who clears a path for me daily and charges through life to make all my dreams, wants and desires come true, but it goes beyond Paul. From my 10 year old son, to the guy on the train who offers to put my bag in the overhead for me, to the men that I collaborate with in business, I am fully in my feminine radiance in their presence, I allow them to serve me and I appreciate and cherish them for it because I know my appreciation is their oxygen and it brings out their best and most authentic selves.

I have experiences with men all the time where I truly appreciate a man for his service for me, whatever the situation. I get to see the light in a man's face as he takes in my appreciation. I can feel in that moment that in his life, he is starving for a woman to appreciate his service. Many men are surrounded by women who are withholding, punishing and closing off from them. For these men, experiencing a woman's appreciation and openness, is like finding water in the desert.

I don't smile at men and appreciate them to "get what I want." I do it because it is magnificent to experience a man in his masculinity, doing the right thing out of integrity, honor and service. I smile and appreciate him out of enjoyment. It just so happens that the result is typically that men can't do enough for me, in life and in business.

Men are called to serve a woman in her feminine. And I have experienced that to be true every day of my life, since I stepped into my feminine radiance and opened. Femininity is your greatest power. Embrace it!

You can read my expert column and so many content-rich, amazing articles in each issue of Aspire Magazine! Get your free subscription here:

Stacey Martino helps people who feel stuck, frustrated and helpless with the challenges that intimate relationship brings. Through targeted, strategic private coaching, programs and events for her Relationship Transformation™, Relationship Rescue™ and Relationship Transition™ programs, individuals learn to use her proven strategies and tools to create an unshakable love and unleashed passion that lasts a lifetime.

Stacey firmly believes that it absolutely does not take two to tango, that one person can significantly shift the dynamics of the relationship. Clients have praised Stacey for helping them to see massive results in record time. Formerly known as "The Ice Princess", Stacey is intimately aware of what it takes to transform oneself to be ready to both give and receive love and passion like you have never experienced before.

Download Stacey's free audio program, "How to Transform Your Relationship In Eight Steps" at