Here's How To Stop Being Jealous, Before You Self-Sabotage Your Relationship

Jealousy can kill your relationships. Don't let it.

How To Not Be Jealous & Insecure & Overcome Jealousy In Your Relationship by Alex Holyoake on Unsplash

If you tend to get jealous in a relationship, it's pretty common. However, there may come a point where your jealousy is out of control and it's destroying your love life.

If you struggle with trying to figure out how to not be jealous, or how to deal with the jealousy you feel constantly in your relationship with your partner, there is hope!

RELATED: 5 Ways To Stop Being Jealous (Because It's Only Making You Miserable)


Almost all people experience jealousy at some point. It's normal to feel jealous or deal with signs of jealousy — in some cases. Humans become jealous because they don't want to lose something that's important or meaningful to them.

However, jealousy is not normal when it starts to creep into all aspects of your life and get out of control. This is probably because of immaturity, being too possessive, or having extreme insecurities.

Jealousy can destroy not only your relationship and mental health, but your life as well because you create problems that do not exist.

The problem is that most people do not know how to control their emotions when jealousy begins to set in, so it starts to become unmanageable.


Women often get more jealous than men, this is because they are more honest with their feelings and are more in touch with their emotions, unlike their male counterparts.

It is possible to control your jealous behavior and avoid this unbearable feeling.

So here are 7 ways you can figure out why you're jealous and actually understand how to overcome jealousy before it ruins your relationship:

1. Understand the cause of your jealousy

The first thing you need to do is to understand the reason you get jealous. By understanding the root of your jealousy, you can deal with this negative behavior better in the present.

There are many possible causes of your jealousy. It might be the fear of losing your life partner and ending up alone, or perhaps it stems from unmet affection during your childhood.


You may be insecure because you lack self-confidence and have a poor self-image.

For example, you find yourself unattractive, thus you feel jealous whenever you meet someone you perceive is better looking than you, assuming your partner's attraction to them will be greater because they're prettier.

Insecurity is one of the biggest reasons most humans get jealous. When you're jealous of someone, you need to stop comparing yourself to them.

Build your self-confidence and banish your insecurities.

2. Don't place restrictions on your partner

Men need their freedom in all areas of their lives. They want the freedom of activity and to do what they want on their own terms. They want the freedom of being independent from their parents or to anyone "above" them, who can control them and tell them what to do.


For men, freedom is a force that helps them push beyond limitations and gives them the courage to take on the world.

If your man wants to go out with his friends, let him. Let him have his freedom. Restricting your partner because of your own insecurity and jealousy will only push you apart. It may cause actual distance between you as well, since he may feel you're being too possessive.

Trust is an important part of your relationship and needs to be reciprocated.

RELATED: 5 Ways To Deal With Jealousy So You Can Stop Being Insecure All The Time


3. Make yourself let go when you feel jealous

Stop holding onto jealousy that's weighing you down. Keep yourself busy by going out with your friends, doing something productive, or practicing self-care and exercising to boost your self-esteem when your jealousy starts controlling your thoughts.

If the reason you're jealous is because of your past experiences with partners, you must let it go.

The key is you need to learn how to forgive. Forgive yourself and the person who hurt you or the person who has broken your trust. Do not put your current partner in the same lot with the people who hurt you.

Calm your overactive imagination. Imagination is good, but when you start making up stories in your head about your partner lying to you and being unfaithful, then you need to take control of your thoughts because sometimes, what is in your mind is not true.


4. Know that jealousy is a waste of your time

You are wasting your precious time by being jealous.

Instead of spending your time being happy and enjoying your time with your partner, you entertain negative thoughts like, "Maybe he doesn't really have to stay late at work," or "Maybe that run to the store has been taking too long and he's actually seeing someone else."

Some jealous ladies out there would also spend a lot of time stalking their partner’s social media accounts, emails, and chat messages to find “evidence" of infidelity, which most likely doesn't even exist.

The next time you feel jealous, think about the time that you're wasting entertaining these negative thoughts. Do you feel good? Will this make you a better person? I bet your answer is no.


You being jealous doesn't solve anything. You'll just feel worse and be stressed over something that's probably not even true.

5. Talk to him about why you feel that way

Be open and honest in your conversation about your jealousy with your partner. Tell him how you feel about a situation and point out specifically the reason why you feel that way.

Let him understand where you're coming from.


Being clear about your emotions with our partner might help reduce your jealousy or totally get rid of that negative feeling. Clear communication in your relationship can help solve or prevent a ton of issues.

6. Stop comparing yourself to others

Sometimes, comparing yourself to others has a positive effect and is helpful. You can use their success stories and make them your role model to inspire you to improve in many areas of life.

However, the comparison goes wrong when the energy is negative — when you feel worthless and envious because you're not what they are. You may sometimes become obsessed with comparing yourself to the other person and spend hours stalking their social media accounts looking at what they have achieved until you get miserable and depressed.

When you realize you're unkindly comparing yourself to others, start thinking of the many positive reasons your partner chose you. Remember that because of who you are, he's happy to be with you.


7. Trust your partner to be faithful

Trust is the cornerstone of every relationship. Trust means that you are both honest in your relationship. When you trust your partner, you make him feel dependable, responsible, and reliable.

It's insulting to your partner when you show or tell him that you distrust him. You'll also find it hard to get close and rely on him for support when you lack trust.

In a relationship, you shouldn't leave yourself vulnerable to jealousy. Trusting someone is a choice that you make — not something to demand from your partner without giving it in return.

RELATED: 5 Sure Signs You're A Jealous, Possessive Mess

Esther Bilbao helps mentor women to have better relationships, health, and personal development. For more information on how she can help you create a better life for yourself, visit her website for a 30-day all-access pass for lessons from expert instructors.