5 Tips To Reconcile After Cheating

Cheating devastates a relationship. The effect of his behavior creates emotional heartache and discord within the relationship. A relationship is truly devastated. Cheating is a common topic discussed among men and women. Why cheat? Why not just leave? But there is another resulting question – should you take him back? Will you turn a blind eye to cheating or walk away at the first sign? This is a difficult decision to make until you are staring in its face. But, if you choose to continue a relationship after a bout of infidelity, there is hope. I will forewarn you that there must be a strong willingness on both parts to repair the relationship in order for these tips to work. Without further ado… 5 tips to repair your relationship after infidelity.

1. Forgive. One of the most difficult tasks is to forgive. Why is it so difficult though? Holding on to forgiveness eventually turns into bitterness, which is like drinking poison wishing the other person would die. These negative feelings do more harm to you than anyone else. The best course of action is to deal with those emotions head on and determine what it will take for you to forgive. But as mama always said, “forgiving does not mean forget or lower your standards. Know who you are and move on.” Do well for your emotional health and forgive him in your heart.

2. Release. If you made it to this step, that means you decided to forgive. Congratulations! Many people cannot forgive others for their actions. You also decided to continue with the relationship. You have to let go of the feelings associated with the pain. You must let go of the past. I always tell people that you cannot move forward while staring out the rearview mirror. Take the emotional pressure off of you. Check your baggage at the door. Start anew. Release your feelings into the universe and move forward without looking back.

3. Communicate. Now that you’ve forgiven and released -- regardless of how hard it is -- you must discuss the reasons surrounding the infidelity. Was it pure selfishness, lack of self-control, or neglect within the relationship? The details aren’t important here. The important issue is how to rectify the situation. When the issue rears its ugly head again, you should have a plan in place to overcome it rather than run from it. I’ll also add this communicating will result in some compromising, please be pliable. 

4. Restore. This step takes considerable time and should be viewed as a work in progress. The most paramount piece to the relationship – trust – was tarnished. Invest your time wisely at this stage in re-igniting the flame of intimacy. Reconnect with your partner. Reclaim your space in each other’s hearts. Honesty is imperative, even about the smallest things. Trust is earned day-by-day and not restored with a simple (or elaborate) apology.

5. Commit. Commit to try again or walk away if the cheating returns. You must have a solid foundation in who you are as a person and what you deserve. There is nothing wrong with second chances. We all have needed one at some point in our lives. Be clear on your expectations from your partner and from the relationship. If your partner cannot commit to the relationship and safeguarding your feelings, you must remain strong and steadfast in your beliefs (even if that includes walking away).

While there are many examples of second chances gone wrong, there are just as many examples of love restored with a healthy loving relationship as the result. Know yourself and know your partner. You can’t force a square peg in a round hole. As I always say listen to your heart and follow your gut.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.