Self, Heartbreak

The Single Most Embarrassing Thing I Did After My Divorce

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Embarrassing Things Women Have Done After Divorce

As divorce coaches, my partner and I hear some good (like, wicked good) stories. Most of them we cannot divulge here because of client confidentiality (unfortunately for you, sorry). However, we DO have permission to share a few snippets from women who were willing to anonymously admit to some rather embarrassing post-divorce shenanigans. 

What's up with all of those awkward antics? 

Here’s the thing: After you come through the hard parts of ending your marriage — deciding to divorce, grieving the loss of the relationship, and navigating the legal process — things finally do get easier. You start to feel better and you crave a little fun. So, you throw caution to the wind and say, "What the hell? I really don’t care what anyone else thinks right now. I’m going to do whatever the f*ck I want." And, you do exactly that. 

It’s normal and healthy, and sometimes the results are great. But, sometimes ... well, let’s just say it may not be your proudest moments that result.   

For this article, we polled our divorced friends and past clients to find out exactly what this post divorce/second adolescence looks like (and OK, this may possibly include a story or two of our own in here). We heard lots stories about blind dates, waxing parts of bodies that haven’t seen the light of day in years, and plenty of illicit sexual encounters

Some of the stories are heartwarming, some are downright hilarious, some are seriously awkward and some are … well, you decide! 

1. "I ordered a poop bomb and had it delivered to my ex’s new wife." (Yes, this is something you can order online, we researched it for you here.)

2. "I slept with a guy who lived at the YMCA. When he invited me to his 'humble abode,' I thought he was trying to be funny. He wasn’t."

3. "I ditched a blind date to make out with the bartender in the bathroom. My date finally came looking for me and walked in on us."

4. "I went dancing with my gay friends and the next thing I knew I was snorting coke in the bathroom with a drag queen."

5. "I hired a smokin’ hot escort to take me to the museum fundraiser because I knew my ex would be there."

6. "I booked a singles cruise, secretly hoping for an ocean romance. But when I got there it was all gay men. (Had the time of my life anyway!)"

7. "I was 30 years old and I had a one night stand with a frat boy who snuck me into his dorm room. That wasn’t the most embarrassing part though — it was the next morning when I tiptoed across the hall to use the bathroom and I stopped up the toilet and it overflowed everywhere."

8. "I called in a bomb threat to my husband’s office the day his merger was supposed to go through."

9. "I’d always kept an eye on our hot UPS delivery guy. One day I sent the kids to the neighbors to play and I answered the door wearing nothing but my towel. Unfortunately, the kids came home early."

If at first you don't succeed ...

Hey divorced women, listen — we think you're entitled to enjoy your newfound freedom and we encourage you to get out there and experiment. Learn how to be your single self again. We want you to play safely, but we do want you to get out there and play!

Your first attempts at being single again will likely not go perfectly … and probably won't be too pretty either! But that’s OK, what’s important is that you're trying. Have a sense of humor about it all. 

Remember how awkward you felt as a new teenager, when your boobs were coming in. Or, when you had to put toothpaste on your zits. Or when the boy on the bus smiled at you and you peed your pants a little? You survived puberty and you’ll survive this, too. 

Post-divorce is a time of independence, exploration, and a whole lot of trial and error. It’s all a part of being human. Women ask us all the time, "Is there really life after divorce?" Yes, there is and it’s pretty terrific. So get out there. 

SAS for Women® helps women figure out how to start living again after an unwelcome turn of events, such as divorce or widowhood. Connect with SAS for 6 free months of coaching via your inbox and/or a complimentary 45-minute consultation.