Help! How Do I Know If He's Just Not That Into Me?

Dear Sandy,

I am going on a third date with a man I met on Match.com. I notice he's online 2 or 3 times a day. I login through an empty profile to check, but it sort of tells me he is not really that interested, right? It's particularly confusing to me, because last week he had taken down his profile, and now he is very active again. Should I confront him about this? Should I take down my profile? How can you tell tell if he’s just not that into you?

Donna

Dear Donna,

When he logs into Match.com it could mean that he’s still exploring his options, which is healthy. If he's good looking, he's probably getting many emails a day, and he’s checking his inbox. So what? You've only dated him twice. If he shut down his profile now, I’d be concerned.

Whatever you do, DO NOT CONFRONT HIM! Unless you want to see a him run for the hills and never call you again. I have a question for you. If you’re logging in, why can’t he?

So, you think he’s just not that into you?

When you're in the initial courting phase of a relationship, why should either of you stop dating online? It's wise to keep your options open until you have spent enough time together to want to make it exclusive. That's when you have the talk about taking profiles down.

I am not sure why he took down his profile last week. It sounds a bit odd to me, but I can pretty much guarantee that it has nothing to do with his commitment to you this early on in your courtship. Nor should you take it as a sign that he's just not that into you.

Don't over-think it and don't make assumptions. Just enjoy the present when you get together for your third date, and don't take down your profile until you're both ready to be exclusive. You may decide after date three that he's not for you. You need time to decide if there is potential for a relationship.

That could take weeks or months. In the meantime, just relax. Be the easy breezy girl and enjoy getting to know him. Don't put the cart before the horse. It usually leads to trouble.

Lots of love,

Sandy

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