Love, Self

Dating Someone New? How To Stay In Control Of Your Love Life

run away

How often have you felt you've lost control when you're dating a man? Have you ever spent most of your time trying to figure out what went wrong, why he hasn't called, or why he's all of a sudden so distant?

If you're like me, you've been there many, many times. Before I learned what I'm about to tell you, I used to become so wrapped up in the man in my life that I would lose track of the most important person—me.

Not only would I obsess about a man, but then I would start letting him take over my life, too. And, I remember that happening over and over again, like a record I couldn't turn off.

It would be a different man, but the same record.

How I Stopped The Cycle Of Obsessive Thoughts

Then, I learned something that would forever change my love life: men are naturally inspired to move toward us when we reduce their importance in our lives.

I know this goes against a lot of what we women think, but stay with me. As soon as I figured this out, the record stopped; the men who started showing up were completely different from the men I'd been so hung up on before.

That's when my husband came into my life. And when he did, I was able to fall in love with him, let him pursue me, win me, and marry me—all without hearing those obsessive insecure thoughts in my head.

And if I did it, I know you can, too.

Reduce His Importance So He Makes You MORE Important

Here's how to do it. First, stop revolving your life around him. That means no scheduling around him, no making plans around him, no watching what you say and don't say, no trying to make him happy or make him love you, and no "nice" and no "understanding" when something he does or doesn't do makes you unhappy.

The second thing to do is to make someone else important in your life. And that's you. One easy way to do this is with a tool I call Out The Window.

"Our men are naturally inspired to move toward us when we reduce their importance in our lives."

Reclaim You: Look Out The Window

Look out a window and imagine what it is that you love (aside from him).

Imagine the love in your heart—all that energy and sweetness and passion—going out the window to that thing you love. This might be painting, or the beach, or giving to those less fortunate, or helping people in your special, unique way. Really contemplate what it is that you love about this thing, how it has enriched your life, and what it is that makes it special to you. Notice how it makes you feel centered and with a sense of purpose.

Suddenly, you'll realize that there's a lot more to your life than this one man, and you will feel your personal power flooding back to you. Instantly re-shifting your focus like this works as magic whenever you feel your thoughts drifting toward any one man and what he's doing, thinking, or feeling.

Rori teaches women how to attract the right man and have the kind of close, connected relationship they've dreamed of. To learn specific ways to relate to a man—from the early stages of dating all the way through a blissful commitment—subscribe to Rori's free newsletter. You'll discover a new, fun way to think about relationships and dating that's all about you, raises your self-esteem, and draws the right man to you effortlessly.