15 (Common) Negative Thoughts That You Must Shut Down Immediately If You Want To Love Yourself
Don't let YOU bring yourself down anymore.
unsplash Learning how to love yourself is a challenging process — especially when you struggle with low self esteem. You may experience automatic negative thoughts from your "inner critic" that hamper your ability to love yourself or lift your self esteem up.
You may not even realize that you have signs of low self esteem, although you have wondered before how to stop negative thoughts when they happen.
How can you ever start building self esteem if you're always putting yourself down, after all?
Your inner critic is actually a part of your ego, and believe it or not, is trying to keep you safe. The worst thing you can do is fight it ... it will only make your low self-esteem feel worse.
It takes time and practice to become aware of this negative voice within you. You are so used to hearing it; you think it's speaking the truth.
But the more you can become aware of your inner critic, the more choice you will have in how you respond to it.
At first, you will become conscious of this voice only after you have got caught up in its negativity. Eventually, you will come to the place when you see it before it starts.
You will never get rid of the inner critic. It will show itself when you're under high stress. With increasing self-awareness, you'll be able to keep your inner critic in check.
Here are 15 negative thoughts your inner critic might say and how to stop listening to them so you can love yourself and build self-esteem:
1. "I am a failure."
You are not a failure! You aren't good at everything, but no one is. So instead of focusing on your weaknesses, concentrate on your strengths. Are your failures that bad? I doubt it. You are a much better person than you want to admit.
You learn from every experience in life. You are rarely going to be good at doing something for the first time. Trial and error are part of the path to proficiency in any task.
You have expertise, talents, and your self to gift the world. Everyone does! You are no exception.
You have great value just for being yourself.
2. "I suck."
Usually, you say this when you are feeling down and frustrated. You've probably done something, and it didn’t go well in your own eyes.
When you start something new, it can take a lot of practice before you begin to feel confident in your ability to do it. For example, when you learn to ride a bike as a kid, you probably feel like you suck at it.
But with practice, you eventually get better. So when you catch yourself saying, “I suck,” try to focus on something positive in your life. Remember you're learning a new task and it'll take time to get good at it.
Maybe you chose the wrong profession. Just because you aren't good at one thing doesn’t mean you won’t be good at something else.
You have a purpose in the world. Your job is to find it. There are many people and resources to help you do this.
3. "I don’t know how I got this new job."
You may not know how you got your new job. There is a reason. It wasn't luck; the employer saw something in you they knew would be a benefit to their company.
It's time to celebrate your new job. Know that you got it for a good reason. Your job is to do your best.
Now is the time to reflect on your strengths. Don't be shy. Acknowledge your good qualities, name your strengths, and allow the positive feelings to soak in.
4. "My relationships never last."
Just because you've had some short-term relationships doesn’t mean you'll never have a long-term relationship.
With this kind of attitude affecting your self esteem, you'll subconsciously act in ways that will lead to ending your relationship earlier.
Instead of worrying about how long your relationship is going to last, focus on the joy you receive each day with the one you love.
5. "No one finds me attractive."
You are attractive. Maybe you don’t fit all the stereotypes of what the media suggests makes a person beautiful, but you're still beautiful in your way.
You'll never know all the ways people find you attractive. Maybe it's your effervescence, your honesty, your sense of humor, your smile, or your creativity.
It can be helpful to acknowledge your beauty every day to yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror every morning and remind yourself how beautiful you are. Eventually, you will start to believe it.
6. "Nothing good will ever happen to me."
If you stop to think about this, you'll find holes in your argument. Good things have happened in your life.
Why don’t you try brainstorming all the good things that happened to you? They don’t have to be big things. They could be hundreds of small things.
Just because you have been going through a time, it doesn't mean this will keep going on throughout your life.
The law of attraction suggests that when you start to have a more positive attitude, you will attract more positive things in your life.
7. "It's too good to be true."
Nothing is ever too good to be true. You're an awesome person. You deserve to experience good things. It could be the job you have been dreaming of for years. It could be the love of your life.
Change your attitude from fear and hopelessness to an expectation that good things have and will continue to happen in your life. This change of perspective can help you increase your self esteem and learn to appreciate and love yourself.
8. "I'm too fat."
What is too fat? It depends on the culture and era you live. There are places and times where a curvy body is considered attractive and sexy. More recently the world has encouraged women to be thin.
Sadly, because of this many woman struggle with eating disorders. You come with your own body, and there's no one perfect body type. You're one of a great diversity of body types and all equally beautiful.
Your goal is to stay healthy. Your goal is to eat nutritious food and get plenty of exercise.
More importantly, it's for you to listen to your body and give it what it needs. Your body will have its individual needs. You need to discover what your body needs for it to be healthy.
9. “Oh, it was nothing."
How many times have you said, “Oh it was nothing,” when someone was praising you? If you are like many, you'll have done this many times.
It's time for you to stand up and accept the praise from those who appreciate you.
All you need to do is smile and say, "Thank you," instead.
10. "I'm not smart enough."
You're smart in your way. You are a bright, intelligent person and wise beyond your years.
Maybe you bring wisdom to the people in your life through your ability to listen to the knowledge within you. Perhaps it comes from your ability to listen to another person with an open mind and heart.
Maybe it's your intellectual abilities that help you to practice science.
It's a matter of surrounding yourself with people who believe in you. Soak up those positive vibrations. The more you find your inner strength, the negativity will run off your body like water in a rainstorm.
11. "I hate myself."
You are your own worst enemy. You're not only hurting yourself when you attack your self esteem with these words, but also the people around you.
If you are seriously down on yourself, you'll probably need some help to get out of this vicious cycle. There are many professionals out there (like coaches and counselors) to help you.
Instead of focusing on what you don’t like about yourself, notice all the good things about yourself.
Practice radical gratitude. Take time in the morning or evening to reflect on what you are thankful for: Food, shelter, friends, and so much more.
It's hard to hate yourself when you're so grateful.
12. "I'm a loser."
First, what is a loser? I think a loser is someone down on themselves. Feeling like a loser is a way of thinking. It doesn't reflect the truth.
Try putting some sticky notes around your house with positive statements like:
- I'm smart
- I'm beautiful
- I'm kind
- I'm compassionate
- I'm a hard worker
- I'm creative
You might like to journal. Notice all the negative thoughts you've had in the day and turn them around into something positive.
As you do this, you'll feel a lightness growing in your mind, heart, and body. Yes, you'll still have tough days, but in the long run, you will get more positive, confident, and healthier.
13. "I'm not worth the money."
You have great worth. You're worth investing in yourself, and this often costs time and money.
If you follow your dreams and passion, you'll not only help yourself, but the people around you will benefit from you being at your best.
You need to remember you have just as much right to these resources (time and money) as anyone else. There are times in your life where your family will need to support you monetarily or otherwise.
You may feel shame, but you don't need to own it. Don't let these negative thoughts drag your self esteem down.
14. "I don’t look good in a bathing suit."
Who says you don't look good in a bathing suit? You have just as much right to wear a bathing suit as anyone else.
You are beautiful. If you are a person of faith, remember you're a reflection of God.
If you do not identify with a faith tradition, you can think of how everything in the universe is beautiful, and you are part of the universe.
15. "I'll never amount to anything."
Did someone tell you that you'll never amount to anything? This is a lie! Your goal is to become the best person you can be. You don't need to compare yourself to anyone else to be "good" or to love yourself.
An excellent place to start is to focus on doing what you love. Get the help you need to learn whatever you need to improve.
Follow what inspires you if something new feels overwhelming, take it one step at a time.
Never be afraid to get help. A willingness to get help is a sign of strength and courage.
You're right on schedule. You're where you need to be today. You're going to get to wherever you want to go. Enjoy the ride.
Your inner critic is always there. It usually shows itself when you are under stress. Your goal is to stay at grounded, relaxed, and self-aware.
This process of learning to become more self-aware takes time and practice. It is essential that you remain patient and forgiving of yourself. Be gentle as you learn how to love yourself and build your self esteem.
Changing your attitude toward your self takes intentional work such as practicing meditation, getting lots of sleep, eating good food, and reminding yourself throughout the day that you're a person of worth and value.
The good news is that you can learn to live with your inner critic. It will show itself from time to time, but you will have the skills to notice it and make some better choices that will build your self-esteem up rather than tear it down.
Roland Legge is a life coach, here to help you build a loving relationship with yourself and those you choose to be in a relationship with. You can join his private newsletter list for free monthly advice and get your free enneagram test and/or sign up for a free 30-Minute Discovery Call in his Acuity Scheduling Calendar.