20 Honest Reasons Gay Men Stay Single (On Purpose)

Why do gay men choose to be single? The answers will shock you and leave your sides aching.

gay men

Don't let those romance movies fool you, ladies and gentleman. Being single definitely has its virtues ... provided being single is your goal.

I believe one of the greatest joys in life is falling in love—whether that love involves falling in love with another human being, a career, a beautiful piece of art, or even a tasty culinary delight that causes an orgasm in your mouth.

Falling in love rocks AND ... it can also suck.


I've found that for many gay men, thinking that love sucks is what keeps them from going for the "L" word in their quest for happiness. Honestly speaking, most gay guys fear love sucking and worry they'll have to give up the recreational sport of sucking in order to find true love.

Truth is, falling in love doesn't stop life from sucking, nor does it mean a gay man's oral skills need to suffer or go out of style.

Ironically, gay men, like heterosexuals and lesbians, have reasons why they prefer to stay single. Notice I didn't qualify the word reasons with any superlatives (like "good" or "bad"); I simply stated that gay men have reasons they prefer to stay single.


How do I know this is true?

  1. I'm a gay man, though I never had many of the thoughts I'm about to share with you.
  2. I spend a better part of my professional life coaching gay men through various aspects of their dating and mating adventures.
  3. Most recently, I laughed my butt off at answers gay men gave in an online social media group as to why they prefer staying single.

As you might have guessed, reason 3 birthed this article—partially to humor others besides myself, and also to shine a light on how similar gay men are to the rest of the world, even if the rest of the world won't admit it.

So, here are 20 reasons gay men prefer to stay single (in no particular order of preference):

  1. "Don't need to please anyone but yourself." Doesn't masturbation get old? (Apparently not.)
  2. "Do whatever you want in your life." Guess he doesn't have a boss or a job.
  3. "Your decisions don't involve someone else's life." Really? He's definitely on an island with himself.
  4. "You can get up in the morning without having to look good." Or, you can get up before your boyfriend, get spiffed up, and he'll think you're just naturally sexy 24/7.
  5. "Sleeping in the middle of the bed." Um, I still sleep in the middle of the bed. Of course, my husband doesn't get much sleep, but he doesn't need it anyway.
  6. "I can have sex with everyone." The question is does everyone want to have sex with him?
  7. "Being selfish without consequence." Someone has been in the wrong type of relationship if they've been told they're selfish and that it leads to consequences.
  8. "Not fighting over the remote control." Amen to that one, but then have multiple remote controls so each of you has something to hold onto to fulfill that masculine urge.
  9. "Being your own boss, and doing what you want to without getting shouted at." Obviously, any relationship that involves shouting needs an intervention.
  10. "Freedom." If you want to go away for the weekend with friends, you pack your bag and you go. Guess all us married, and taken gay men have no freedom.
  11. "There is not one good reason to stay a single, gay man." Okay, finally one who wants a relationship, but is he too jaded?
  12. "You can have lots of sex with different guys, without living by limiting "rules" of open relationships." Rules, rules, rules. I wonder how often this one ended up in detention?
  13. "Getting up at anytime and choosing the right golf balls for fun." I like this guy's sense of adventure and humor. Too bad he doesn't see that being in a relationship means more balls to play with—golf balls that is.
  14. "Going on vacation and doing what you want to do." Well, most people who go on vacation do what they want. Isn't that how it works? It does in our relationship.
  15. "Learning how to love and accepting yourself so you're 100% ready for a healthy, loving, committed relationship." You choose to stay in one, not because you're lonely and desperate for anyone. Bravo, right on, gold star. You go, boy! See, there are gay men who know the value of being alone until the right stud comes along.
  16. "No one to answer to. I'm a single dad with teenage son, so I'm always busy." I wonder how he trained himself to not have to answer to his son?
  17. "Not feeling bad when you want to hangout with your friends without the other half." This is what a healthy, independent relationship looks like. If you can't see your friends, he's not the one for you.
  18. "Spending time with my 3 kids." A man after my own heart, but don't forget that some guy out there might want to share your life with your 3 kids. Just saying.
  19. "Being around positive-minded people." And it takes being single to make this happen?
  20. "No more gas cramps from holding my farts in." The visual alone on this one was worth a re-read.

As silly as some of these sound, you have to admit they're not all that far-fetched. In fact, not one of these actually is gay exclusive. Each and every scenario quoted can overlay any relationship under the spectrum of sexuality and sexual orientation.


It just so happens that gay men (bravo, bravo, bravo!) aren't afraid to speak their truth ... for the most part.

Of course, the ironic juxtaposition that often occurs with gay men, as it does for most everyone on the planet, is talking out of both sides of our mouths. I want to live the single life, but sure wish I had a relationship. To that I say, make up your mind and mean what you say.

Ready to confidently say "It's time for a relationship"? Need a little confidence boost to get started? Check out Rick's self-guide Art of Kick Ass Confidence Course. It could be just the kick you need to get out of single-for-life mode!