What Men Wish Women Knew in the Bedroom
By Richard Drobnick — Written on Jul 23, 2012
Please remember to read Part One - What Women Wish Men Knew in the Bedroom, which is already published here: https://www.yourtango.com/experts/richard-drobnick-mars-venus-counseling...
In the bedroom, it is obvious that men and women are different physically, but we may not realize how different we are emotionally. It is only through understanding and accepting our less obvious differences that we can achieve sexual intimacy and great sex.
Below are just a few ways of how women can better understand their partners as well as improve their sexual and emotional connections.
• “I need a little direction.”
a. A man is a creature of habit. If he discovers something that has been effective in satisfying a woman, he will continue using that method.
b. For a man to truly understand what arouses and excites his partner, he needs direction and this can be done with clues.
c. “OOOHS” and “AAAHS” are great clues and form positive reinforcement. These clues will improve his confidence and vary his approach. A woman can use her body language by gently and sensually taking his hands and putting them where she wants him to touch her.
d. It is important these clues are genuine, because he will definitely recognize when his partner is enjoying something.
• “I always come back for more.”
a. A man can build up sexual energy and needs to release that energy to be more in touch with his emotions. A great way to quickly and effectively relieve that energy is with guilt-free quickies.
b. A guilt-free quickie allows him to release his sexual energy without the guilt or fear of not providing sexual gratification to his partner.
c. Guilt-free quickies are like gifts of love to men that make him feel appreciated. It will motivate a man to reciprocate to his partner later with romance and satisfying her physical and emotional needs.
• “Keep dialogue outside the bedroom.”
a. Sometimes clues are not enough and a more direct conversation is needed about his partner’s physical and emotional erogenous zones.
b. It is crucial that this conversation is not had while engaging in a sexually intimate act.
c. When engaging in sexual intimacy, a man and a woman are in an emotionally vulnerable state and this type of conversation can create a high risk of someone getting hurt emotionally.
d. Dialogue conducted by a couple outside of a sexual situation can be an incredible opportunity to learn more about one another and become closer. However, it is important to be constructive, honest, and as positive as possible.
• “Rejection pushes me away.”
a. There are times when a man will feel sexual and his partner does not. Rejecting his sexuality or being unresponsive to his sexuality can be harmful to his emotions and the passion in a relationship.
b. A man uses the possibility of sex as a motivation to open up emotionally, engage in more romance, and express his feelings of love and sensitivity.
c. When a man’s sexuality is rejected repeatedly, he loses the drive to initiate sex and his ability to express his love is severely diminished.
d. When a woman is sexually available to a man’s sexual arousal she helps him to be more motivated in making himself available to her romantic, sexual, and emotional needs.
A man feels loved when he is appreciated, accepted, and trusted. When his touch creates a pleasured response, he feels appreciated. By his partner desiring him sexually, he feels accepted. By believing that he can please her physically, he feels trusted. When a woman is responsive to his physical love, she is giving a man what he needs most to keep his sexual fire burning.
Couples desire to satisfy their partners sexually, but they may miss the mark because it is difficult to understand and accept their partners’ different paths to sexual satisfaction. There are many couples who are suffering from the infrequency or absence of sex. If a couple feels sexually stuck, education through professional counseling is likely required to help a couple understand their differences, better meet their emotional needs, improve communication, and regain their connection for greater intimacy.
Richard Drobnick, LCSW, DCSW is the Director of the first Mars & Venus Counseling Center in Northern New Jersey with offices in Teaneck, Oradell, and Ramsey. He has been a practicing counselor/psychotherapist for more than 30 years. For more information on Richard Drobnick and the Mars & Venus Counseling Center, please visit www.marsvenusnewjersey.com or call 201-692-0508.