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This man is not looking for anything serious with you.
By Rebecca A. Marquis
Last updated on Dec 15, 2023
In the early stages of dating, it can be difficult to tell what kind of relationship a guy is looking for. Does he just want to have fun, or is he hoping for something more? Here are five important signs that he's not looking for anything serious.
Here are 5 tiny signs he just wants to hook up:
1. He tells you
If he has explicitly told you that he is not looking for a relationship or he's not looking for something serious, believe him. He is trying to be open and honest about what he can and can't give you. And don't be insulted; it's not about you. It's about timing.
He may be focused on his career, he may just want to have fun with his friends, or he may have more serious intimacy issues. None of that matters. If he says he's not looking for a relationship, there is nothing you can do that will change his mind.
2. He keeps his distance from you
He might say he wants a relationship but his actions may speak otherwise. If there's always a reason he can't spend too much time with you, he is keeping his distance from you. If he wants to be with you, he'll fit you into his busy schedule.
If you tell your guy that it makes you smile when he does XYZ and he stops doing XYZ, that is another clear sign he is keeping his distance from you. He may be doing this intentionally because he thinks making you smile will somehow transform what you have into a serious relationship, or he may lack the awareness and not realize the distance he's creating. Either way, a relationship can't form if he's keeping you at a distance.
3. He doesn't have any close friends
He may say he wants a relationship but if you notice that he doesn't have any close friends, he may not know how to foster intimate relationships. His idea of a close relationship may be very different than yours.
If he has spent a significant amount of time in a competitive environment, for example, he may not realize the importance of being vulnerable and open when in a relationship. If he has worked in a supervisory role for many years, he may not recognize the need to treat his partner as an equal. To get an idea of what he can offer, pay attention to the relationships he currently has.
4. He doesn't have any good relationship experience
If his only romantic relationships have been the kind that involved work and stress, he may not believe that relationships can be any different. He may say that he is open to "seeing where things go" but without any model of a good relationship, he may actively prevent a relationship from developing.
If this is the only factor inhibiting him from moving forward with you, it might be beneficial to have a gentle discussion about it. But if he doesn't want a relationship, you'll have to accept his choice.
5. He doesn't follow through
When a man is interested in you, he calls when he says he'll call, he shows up where he says he'll show up, and he'll consistently make plans with you. If he offers to help you with something, he follows through and helps you. But if he's inconsistent with following through, he's not trying to create a relationship with you.
The sooner you can recognize the signs, the sooner you'll be on your way to meeting someone new and relationship-ready!
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Rebecca A. Marquis is a dating coach and the author of How to Be a Good Boyfriend: 34 Ways To Keep Her From Getting Annoying, Jealous, or Crazy.