5 Signs He Just Wants To Hook Up

Looking for a serious relationship? Beware of these warning signs.

By Rebecca A. Marquis — Written on Mar 04, 2013

In the early stages of dating, it can be difficult to tell what kind of relationship a guy is looking for. Does he just want to have fun, or is he hoping for something more? Here are five important signs that he's not looking for anything serious.

1. He tells you. If he has explicitly told you that he is not looking for a relationship or he's not looking for something serious, believe him. He is trying to be open and honest about what he can and can't give you. And don't be insulted; it's not about you. It's about timing.

He may be focused on his career, he may just want to have fun with his friends, or he may have more serious intimacy issues. None of that matters. If he says he's not looking for a relationship, there is nothing you can do that will change his mind.

2. He keeps his distance from you. He might say he wants a relationship but his actions may speak otherwise. If there's always a reason he can't spend too much time with you, he is keeping his distance from you. If he wants to be with you, he'll fit you into his busy schedule.

If you tell your guy that it makes you smile when he does XYZ and he stops doing XYZ, that is another clear sign he is keeping his distance from you. He may be doing this intentionally because he thinks making you smile will somehow transform what you have into a serious relationship, or he may lack the awareness and not realize the distance he's creating. Either way, a relationship can't form if he's keeping you at a distance.

3. He doesn't have any close friends. He may say he wants a relationship but if you notice that he doesn't have any close friends, he may not know how to foster intimate relationships. His idea of a close relationship may be very different than yours.

If he has spent a significant amount of time in a competitive environment, for example, he may not realize the importance of being vulnerable and open when in a relationship. If he has worked in a supervisory role for many years, he may not recognize the need to treat his partner as an equal. To get an idea of what he can offer, pay attention to the relationships he currently has. Keep reading ...