When To Start Dating After A Break Up Or Divorce

Thinking of launching back into the dating world? Here are 7 ways to know if you're really ready.


After a particularly painful break up or divorce, it’s crucial that you take the time to grieve and heal from the hurt. You have to learn to accept the separation and work on yourself, so when you DO reenter the dating world, you do so in a positive and constructive way, unburdened by any past baggage and poised to build a relationship that will withstand the test of time.

Just think about a professional singer, preparing for the performance of her life at Carnegie Hall. Do you think she just wakes up on opening night and wings it, hoping for the best? Of course not! She practices, hones her craft and makes sure she’s 100% prepared before she sets foot on that stage.


This is how you need to approach dating again after a big break up or divorce. By practicing, preparing and working on yourself so you can love and be loved in return. By learning how to view your break up or divorce as an experience – not a mistake – and by evaluating what you want to do differently the next time around.

Below are seven ways to tell if you’re REALLY ready to start dating again. If you still need to work on ANY of them, I encourage you to spend a bit more time healing.

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  1. You’re done with the blame game. You are 100% done pointing fingers at your ex and blaming him or her for the break up. You have taken responsibility for your part in the separation, forgiven your ex and are ready to move on, accepting of the fact that the relationship didn’t work out because the two of you weren’t compatible – not because there’s something inherently wrong with either of you.
  2. You have accepted that you’re not a powerless victim at the mercy of other people and outside circumstances. You own the fact that you are a powerful creator, and if you don’t like something you can either accept it, change it or move on – but you are not now, nor will you ever be, a victim.
  3. You’re done believing you’re unlovable. Rather, you know that you’re a lovable person who brings something really special to the table. You’re able to own your values and assets, and you no longer wait for others to approve of you and your qualities.
  4. You know that your ex was not the only one for you. You find comfort in knowing that in this giant sphere called Earth, there is at least ONE other person out there who will love you for you.
  5. You’re completely at peace and happy without your ex and the life you have now. You’re in a stable zone and you’re happy regardless of whether or not you have a man/woman, because the main source of happiness is within you.
  6. You accept, embrace and love yourself. You’ve done the self-empowerment work and you know what you want out of life and what you need to do to make it happen. You know who you are, what you like, what you want and what does and doesn’t work for you.
  7. You regularly practice the art of self-love and self care. You accept the fact that you must know yourself before you can share your life with someone else, so you take care of your mind, body and spirit.

For extra help with this, check out the C.A.R.E. System Video Series on the inTact Coaching Channel.


To your exciting and inspired new dating life! (Let me know how it’s going ;-) )