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Create internal self-confidence in four easy steps.
By Raeeka Yaghmai — Written on Dec 20, 2017
There are two basic types of confidence — internal and external — and while they both affect how you feel about yourself, internal confidence is far more important than external confidence. Think about it like this: Internal confidence is the foundation of your self-esteem, whereas external confidence is just the icing on the cake.
Unfortunately, most people experience confidence backward or just don't know how to feel confident. Instead of thriving off their internal confidence, they are at the mercy of external confidence boosters, like encouragement, compliments, and validations.
When they get a hit of external confidence they feel amazing at first, but it doesn’t last. And once the external confidence boosters disappear, they end up feeling terrible about themselves, begging for approval and at the mercy of other peoples’ acceptance.
It’s an unhealthy and stressful way to live, so here's how to feel confident about yourself.
1. Use the powerful “I am” technique.
The next time you’re waiting for someone else to tell you how good, amazing or successful you are, take a moment and write down your most important values. For example, loving, caring, kind, honest, productive, successful, lovable.
Once you have an exhaustive list, turn your values into nouns and write down “I am” statements. For example, “I am love,” “I am kind,” and “I am success.” Now you can see that those values you care so deeply about ARE you, and you don’t need to turn to anyone else for them.
2. Fake it 'til you make it.
Walk around the world and exude confidence, even if you’re not feeling it. If you can’t find the confidence within you, help others find theirs. Encourage your best friend to do something daring or help your daughter find the answers to her math homework.
As you help others feel more confident, a funny thing will start to happen: your confidence will blossom as well.
3. Practice self-care daily.
One of the fastest ways to feel true confidence is to respect, take care of and love yourself. I can’t tell you how many people think loving themselves makes them a snob. It’s just not true.
Begin taking care of yourself by choosing to dress in a way that makes you feel confident. Do your hair and makeup, make sure your clothes are ironed and take pride in your appearance. When you show you love yourself by dressing nicely, the world will treat you differently.
4. Learn to accept compliments.
When someone gives you a compliment, don’t fight it, analyze it or deny it. Just stop, smile and say, “thank you.”
People don’t have to give you compliments, so when they do they usually mean it. I give you permission to take that gift and own it. Also, remember that it hurts the other person’s feelings if you dismiss their compliment, so if you can’t accept it for your sake, do it for theirs.
Raeeka Yaghmai is a certified breakup recovery coach. She helps clients claim their role as the CEO (Chief Emotional Officer) of their own life.
