Why Your Relationship Is A Role Model For Your Kids

Parental relationship role models are the primary source children gravitate toward as adults.

Why Your Relationship Is A Role Model For Your Kids [EXPERT]

Have you heard kids say, "When I grow up, I want to marry Mom (or Dad)?" Our response is centered on the innocence and sweetness of the moment, however it should also be a wake up announcement to the truth of those words. Children will mirror their parental relationship role model when they become adults and it is a couple's responsibility to show the right way of relating in love.

The Generational Factor


As a relationship coach, my experience shows that generational cycles grow stronger, not weaker in one's children. We are all designed to find soul fulfillment in our sense of belonging, worthiness and competency. It is your ability as a parent to have the capacity to communicate and instill this sense of wholeness.

Without a solid foundation, you will be unable to write emotionally healthy scripts for your children and end up doing and saying what is familiar on what is already programed in your mind. Although you can not erase what is in your subconscious mind, you can rewrite your truths and replace those go-to reactions.


As a couple, it is important to be united in the way you raise your family. Those communicated messages will have a huge influence on your kids future success, happiness and emotional stability.

Role Modeling

Preparing to teach a better way starts with your relationship. Contrary to popular trends, kids are not the center of attention in the family unit. It is important to model the following in your relationship to build their character:

  • Let kids see forgiveness in action. Learning how to resolve conflict without the drama of punishing each other with long silences and days of tension is paramount in teaching your kids a better way. If you work together to address the real source of disagreements and deepen your understanding of each other, you can show by example the path from conflict to understanding, resolution to deeper love.
  • Lead a disciplined life. Your children will learn reliability and dependability through your model as a couple. You do not lead an indulgent life in doing whatever you feel like at the moment. Spontaneity, entertainment and pleasure is balanced in a disciplined life but those are not the primary drivers. Children need stability and structure over entertainment to feel safe and secure.

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More relationship advice from YourTango Experts:

  • Common sense, truth and wisdom overrides emotions. People who experience drama more than routine are living by their emotions rather than wisdom. You may have days where you wake up feeling down but those feelings do not have the power to rule your day. Preparing to make the most of each day and not allowing emotions to steer the course sends a powerful message that kids are not at the mercy of something as unreliable as emotions.
  • Cheerleading each other's accomplishments is important. An encouraging word and a belief in each others dreams makes a big difference in reaching those goals. You should be each other's best cheerleader, never demeaning in public or private.
  • Portray a generous, giving nature. As a couple, you actively participate in life outside yourselves and immediate family. If a need is seen and the means is available, you take the steps to help. A warm and compassionate heart towards other teaches your kids a better way to look at life outside their natural focus of self.
  • Hve mutual respect. In your relationship, it is important to show love in the manner the other needs to receive that love. Learning how to express that love through open and honest communication shows an undeniable respect in your marriage.

The truth about committed relationships is recognizing that you will pass down to your future children the model you present to them. Your relationship will be the pattern for your children lives. Breaking individual generational cycles will lead to teaching your kids how to love well.

Nancy Pina is a highly recognized author, relationship coach and speaker. She is dedicated to helping individuals attract emotionally healthy relationships through her practical, Christian-based advice. Visit here for articles, exercises, coaching options and recent books.