How To Build Self-Esteem And Embrace Yourself

"I am not worthy."  

Does that sound familiar? And if so, who taught you to feel this way? Isn’t crazy when you think about it how many years we waste by believing this manipulating belief? What happens as a result of this belief is that we create hardship, struggle and continuously manifest that we are not good enough. And the icing on the cake is that feeling guilty about desiring the life we want is not possible since we are never good enough and hence not worthy of the good we desire. 

How many of us have been trapped into the web of destruction and are still trapped?

Our self-esteem is being crushed by these thoughts and we keep on running after outside validation. This will never work. And when it doesn't work, we turn to self-punishment. Why do you punish yourself you might wonder? The answer is very simple. We have been taught by our parents and society that when you are "bad", you need to be punished. The same applies to when you are "wrong" or you "fail". And let us not forget that religion has contributed, too. When you really did something wrong, you will be punished by GOD.

All of this leads to another outlet, it is called being the martyr. At a very early age you learn to punish yourself before others do it for you. And this is called martyrhood. Self-punishment is a virtue that is also taught to us at a very early age. We have a natural need to feel and as a human, this need seeks for fulfilment. However, society tells us "don’t feel". And this leads to another situation — when you deny yourself feeling, the only thing that is left to feel is PAIN.

Most of us have never been taught how to process our emotions. We have never learned how to do this. But here is how to do it: recognize, acknowledge, forgive and change!

To acknowledge it means you want to own it. That is also the place where have an opportunity to understand the pay-offs. And remember: when you refuse to own it you cannot dispose it. When you are ready to acknowledge the games you have been playing, you will admit that it is not your father, mother and so on. It is YOU and you can admit I did it and no one else.

When you get to this point it is very easy to fall into the trap in which you decide that you need to be punished for screwing things up. "I deserve to be punished" you tell yourself. The other option would be more healing and this option is forgiveness. Forgiving yourself for messing things up. Most people have the old script in their subconscious mind that you do recognize it, acknowledge, punish and then change.

One of the reasons that you punish yourself is the societal nobility of struggle and sacrifice.

Many people are not aware about the fact that they have given their power to their negative Ego. And they don’t belief that the negative Ego has only one goal and that is to destroy you. As human beings, we have a very strong desire to know this is a natural desire. You can now yourself by two ways.  Number one is by loving yourself and number two is by inflicting pain.

Our society is not geared towards loving yourself. And it is driven by the church who might think this is dangerous idea when people start to love themselves. Then we can no longer manipulate them with guilt. And the same would apply for the political field. Could you image when everyone would love themselves? We would never have wars anymore. And wars have become big business.

Hence Self Love would be a threat. Religious does not encourage you to love yourself. That is selfish, self-centred. No, you have to suffer and to deny yourself. So it becomes love other people and punish yourself. You can learn from the pain and the misery, but you can learn so much more from the joy and beauty.

One of the ways you punish yourself is by the denial of the fun and denying success. Some people deny themselves by embracing self-rejection and self- humiliation. Another way is through emotional pain — you find someone who wants to shred you to pieces and you allow them to do so.

By avoiding the punishment of others you don’t live your life anymore. You get caught into the downward spiral of other people’s approval.

Is it a wonder that many people have started to accept the belief that they are not worthy enough and they do not deserve to create their dreams. 

Wake up and smell the roses.

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