Photo: skvalval | Shutterstock
Why an overly-passionate relationship shouldn't be a goal of yours.
By Mitzi Bockmann
Last updated on Feb 19, 2024
Are you the kind of person who often finds themselves in a super-passionate love? This kind of intense love feels like the sky is the limit and you will be happy forever. Only, you find yourself broken-hearted and alone. Have you been left by someone who is overwhelmed by your behavior? Or have you left someone you loved because your relationship isn’t meeting your needs?
Ironically, sometimes, a passionate relationship can leave us most open to the risks of being hurt. And these relationships are the hardest to resist because the passion is so compelling. Luckily, there are ways to identify passionate people who might be exciting to get involved with but are risky choices for a long-term relationship. Here are 5 personality traits of passionate people in risky relationships.
Here are 5 personality traits of people who seek out risky relationships:
1. They're impulsive
Impulsive people act on their gut feelings. Their mind usually ignores what logic is screaming at them, and they do what they want when they want. An impulsive person might look at you across the room, decide that you're the one for them, and make you fall madly in love with them. An impulsive person could introduce you to their kids or parents after knowing you for just a week. They could whisk you away on a romantic island vacation, promising that it will be the first of many.
... they could also see a person on the beach next to them on said romantic island, and decide that that person is the one for them, so they leave you. Being with an impulsive person can be fun — living moment-to-moment, never knowing what is on the horizon, and enjoying what comes when it does. Falling in love quickly and making mad love for days. It’s all very exciting and, most likely, very temporary. So, watch out for someone impulsive. Instead, look for someone more thoughtful and deliberate in their approach to love. Thoughtful, deliberate people can be passionate too, and the passion might even last!
2. They pursue intimacy quickly
People like this have an obsession with the pursuit of intimacy. For them, any kind of intimacy is appealing, and they will do whatever they can to get it. On a lesser scale, some people just need to always be intimate and are happy to be with many partners to meet their needs. In the beginning, being with someone interested in lots of intimacy — dirty or not — is exciting. The dopamine rush that occurs when wrapped around your person as they make you feel loved and wanted is intoxicating.
You might even find that you don’t want to live without it. Unfortunately, a person who needs to be intimate constantly is usually the kind of person who needs to move on and find someone else to be intimate with. Or, even worse, they will stay with you and seek it elsewhere, anyway. So, pay attention to your person at the beginning of your relationship.
How do they feel about intimacy? Do they seem obsessed, or do they need to do things that might be out of the ordinary? Are there times when you can’t always reach them? Do you wonder if they might be with someone else? If you are with this kind of person and are trying to make a relationship out of it, you're taking a big risk. Without help, your person won’t be able to change their ways and your heart will be at risk of being shattered.
3. They're narcissistic
We've all been in relationships with narcissists, people who appear to care all about you at the beginning, but in the end care so much more about themselves. Narcissists believe that the world revolves around them. While they seem to do things for your pleasure, they're doing it for their benefit. At first, a narcissistic person will look at you with so much love and make love to you passionately. You will feel like the center of the universe... Until you aren’t.
You'll realize that this person is doing what they are doing for their self-satisfaction, to meet their own selfish needs, and to feel good about themselves. A narcissistic person will fight you tooth and nail if you try to point this out to them because they know it will pain them if they lose you. They'll make passionate love to you after you fight to make themselves feel better. So, stay away from people who believe that the world revolves around them. It might seem wonderful, at first. But, before long, you'll see that it’s all about them and nothing about you.
4. They're mercurial
Someone who is mercurial is "subject to sudden or unpredictable changes of mood or mind." Some days, they're the person you know, and some days they're a stranger. I have a client who is in love with a man who does, from what I can tell, love her back. More often than not, however, you wouldn’t know it.
Some days, he calls her over, asks how she is, and tells her he misses her. Then, he disappears for weeks, only to reappear and pay attention to her again. He tells her how excited he is to see her, and then yells at her for being so demanding. He tells her that she is hot, but then tells her another girl is hotter. When my client and her guy are "on," it’s amazing. She is so in love, their intimacy is amazing, and she feels sure that they will live happily ever after.
And then, as if a switch was flipped, her guy is unkind, disrespectful, and gone. If your person is like this, always changing to the point that you don’t recognize them, consider walking away. A mercurial person will always be this way. If they don’t make you happy as they are, they will never make you happy.
5. They're restless
I've always been a restless person. I've lived in five countries, seven cities, and nine states throughout my lifetime. For the past 15 years, I've moved every two and a half years. For the past 10 years, I've had many, many boyfriends. I am the definition of restless. So, what does this mean in a relationship? It means that I swoop in, ready for something new, willing to dig deep quickly and get someone to fall madly in love with me. And I fall in love with them, too... Until about eight to 12 weeks in, I get the itch to move on. So, I do, leaving my person dazed and heartbroken.
I would imagine that many of those men would say that they were very happy that they had me in their life for that short time, but I am guessing that some of them would have preferred it if I had stayed. If your person is like me — present with you now, but always looking towards the next horizon — pause and think carefully before you get in too deep. You could find yourself heartbroken.
Recognizing the personality traits of passionate but risky people is a good way to prevent getting your heart broken. Passion is all well and good, but what we need for long-lasting love is a person who doesn’t dive in too deep too quickly. Someone who has a healthy intimate appetite, who isn’t all about themselves, whose moods are constant, and who is willing to sit still. If you can find someone like that, hold on tight. You just might live happily ever after!
More for You:
Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate who works exclusively with women to help them be all they want to be. Mitzi's bylines have appeared in The Good Men Project, MSN, PopSugar, Prevention, Huffington Post, and Psych Central, among many others.