Photo: Joel Valve via Unsplash
Is your relationship making you sick?
By Mitzi Bockmann — Written on Oct 01, 2019
Learning how to let go of a toxic relationship and move on can be a struggle.
Are you looking for a reason to do so? How about when it saves your life?
Leaving any relationship, even a toxic one, is very difficult. Our friends and family encourage us to do so, and perhaps we recognize that we should, but sometimes it’s hard to take that final step.
We cast about for reasons, hoping there will be one that is the final nail in the coffin, the thing that gives us the strength to leave.
But, seeing the signs of a toxic relationship should be enough to motivate you to learn how to let go of someone you love.
There are 5 reasons why it's time to let go and move on from your toxic relationship.
1. Your body will get strong
Did you know that the day in and day out stress from a toxic relationship can take a huge toll on your body?
Have you noticed that your head aches a lot, your tummy often hurts, and you have pains in your shoulders or your back that you don’t remember having before?
Being in a toxic relationship can have a significant effect on our physical health. The everyday stress caused by the bad relationship is so damaging to our systems because we never have a break from it. Even when we aren’t with our partner, our minds are preoccupied with the relationship and our bodies are holding the pain.
Imagine if you woke up in the morning, feeling strong, your head clear, your stomach ready for a big breakfast, ready and willing to take on the world. How amazing would that be?
Letting go of someone you love but is toxic for you can give you physical strength, the strength that just might save your life.
2. Your mind will heal
Do you spend much, or all, of your time struggling with worries about your life and your relationship? Do you struggle with feelings of hopelessness and dread? Do you wonder if it will ever be possible to be happy again?
If those words describe you at all then you could very well be struggling with anxiety and depression, two things that have the power to rock your world and not in a good way.
People who live with anxiety are plagued with worries about what is, what was, and what could be. They obsess about all the things that are wrong with their life and their relationship and this makes it hard to focus on anything else.
People who live with depression are constantly plagued with feelings of hopelessness and dread. They struggle with how horrible their lives are every day and they can’t believe that things could ever be different.
If you are struggling with anxiety and/or depression — struggles that you didn’t have before your present relationship — then letting go of a toxic relationship is the very best thing that you can do for your mental health and it just might save your life.
3. You will have yourself back
Do you look in the mirror some days and wonder who that person looking back at you is? Have your months or years being in a toxic relationship sucked the life out of you?
Are you struggling to believe in yourself, in your ability to make it on your own?
Many people who are in a toxic relationship have been worn down by the anger and the sadness and the unkind words, worn down to the point where their self-confidence is shattered and they no longer believe in themselves.
Imagine no longer feeling that way. Imagine no longer being that person who has been worn down so much that they don’t believe they are worthy. Imagine, instead, being a person who is full of self-confidence, who looks at themselves in the mirror and sees someone they know is worthy, worthy of life and love and happiness.
How good would that feel?
4. You will renew connections
Many people who are in toxic and unhealthy relationships find that, one by one, their connections fall away.
This happens for two reasons. The first is that, often, people who are in toxic relationships are forced to cut off contact with those who care about them because their partner feels threatened and is possessive. Instead of having friends and family to turn to, they find themselves alienated and alone.
What also happens is that we lose friends and family because they get sick of us making the same mistakes over and over. They keep listening to us complain but not make any changes. They watch us destroy our lives, one day at a time, over someone who makes us miserable.
Slowly, one by one, they move away from us until we find ourselves alone.
Imagine a life that is full of love and connection. A life full of friends and family and happiness in shared experiences. A life where we wake up every day, eager for new experiences and lots of laughter.
Letting go of a toxic relationship so that you can regain your friends and family just might very well save your life because a life without love and connection is a very unhealthy one indeed.
5. You will find love again
One thing that I can promise you is that, no matter what, if you stay in your toxic relationship, you will not find love again.
Out there waiting for you, somewhere, is a person who will treat you well, who will make you feel important, who will love you and cherish you and with whom you will truly be happy.
Staying in this relationship — a relationship that isn’t serving you and only fills you with toxic love — will only ensure that you will stay miserable and you will never have a chance to have the kind of love that you have always wanted.
And the presence — or absence — of love in our lives is one of the most important keys to keeping us healthy and making life worth living.
Letting go of a toxic relationship can be incredibly difficult.
We hold on to the person who we hope they can be or because of how things were in the beginning or because of the belief that we don’t want to give up.
Ironically, thinking all of those things are only hurting us.
Imagine a life where you feel physically healthy, your mind is clear, you feel good about yourself and you are surrounded by love and joy.
You can have that if you are willing to let go of a relationship that is sucking the life out of you every day.
You can do it! I know you can!
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Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. Her writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention, Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. She works with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.
This article was originally published at Let Your Dreams Begin. Reprinted with permission from the author.