5 Ways To NOT Be Insecure In A New Relationship

Falling in love is wonderful but it can also be fraught with insecurities. It doesn't have to be!

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Isn’t it wonderful being in a new relationship? Getting to know that new special someone, looking across the room at them and getting butterflies in your tummy. Hours spent sharing your hopes and dreams for the future. Holding hands. Romance. Great sex. Rampant insecurity.

Wait. What?

When we first get into a new relationship, we feel very confident because having someone new in our lives is a very heady experience. And yet, as we become attached to someone, feelings of insecurity can arise because with attachment comes the fear of loss. And the way we act because of that fear of loss can hijack many a new love affair.


Who wants that? Surely not you!

When you're feeling insecure, here are 5 ways to be confident in your new relationship:

1. Remember that you are AWESOME.

Think about the person you were when you were single, the time when you weren't questioning your self-worth because of some guy. Who was that person?


Did you have a job that you love and that you are good at? Did you run marathons? Did you have a few great friends who you love to spend time with? Did you like to go to movies and try new food? Did you have a dog that thinks you are God’s gift to the world?

This person is the person you want to remember when you are feeling insecure. This is the awesome person your guy chose to date in the first place.

And remember that you are so awesome that more than just one guy out there wants to date you. So if this one doesn't appreciate you, too bad for him.

2. Live your life.

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT sit around and wait for any man to call — or any woman for that matter either. Time spent sitting around waiting for your life to start is time wasted.


You have a life to live, so live it. Do your work and do it well. Go to yoga. Eat out with friends. Walk your dog. Do all of the things that make you feel good about yourself and do them often.

Not only will you feel good about yourself from doing the things that you love but when your guy reaches out to see you, you will be so busy and that he will wonder why you aren't busy with him!

And making him wonder is always good.

3. Unplug.



One of the things that you should not do to keep yourself busy is spending time on social media.

Even on a good day, social media can lead us down the road to despair. Fear of Missing Out (FOMO), the fear that the rest of the world is going on around you as you just sit there, on your phone, is a real thing in this modern day. Time spent watching how other people are living instead of living yourself is always time wasted.

Furthermore, spending any time —  at all — stalking your suitor will only lead you to trouble, especially if you can’t find him or see him doing something with someone you don’t want him doing things with, innocently or not. It will hurt.

So again, go live your life. Don’t sit around and see what someone else’s life looks like.


4. Know you're probably not the only one feeling this way.

The more attached we are to something — whether it be a man or a friend or a coat — the more we fear losing it. And fear of losing something can cause us to act in ways that might seem foreign. That super self-confident woman you usually are might get replaced with the shy 8th grader you used to be. Not ideal.

But do know that while you may be feeling insecure at the prospect of losing this new person in your life, they might very well be feeling the same way too. They might feel like if they text you, they could appear too eager or if they stop by your desk, you might find them too needy.

Does that sound kind of familiar? Kind of like how you're feeling? How does it make you feel knowing that they might be feeling the same way too?


Kind of relieved, perhaps? Less insecure? Good.

5. Ask yourself: What’s the worst that can happen?"

This is a question that can be applied to a variety of life situations but its best application is right here.

You are in a new relationship, one that is days or weeks old, one that you've lived your entire life up until recently without.


Ask yourself: "What is the worst that can happen?"

The answer? That you will lose this relationship. So? There are more fish in the sea. That you will embarrass yourself? You've done that before and survived. That you will actually have a great conversation and maybe another date? Well, that wouldn't suck.

Keep in mind that the worst that can happen isn’t that you will drop dead if you send a text or that you will end world peace if you ask him to dance. And, with that in mind, take a step confidently in his direction. 


Be the rockstar that you are. Because really, what’s the worst that can happen?

We all want to love and be loved. This we all know to be true (although sometimes we are loathe to admit it). And in the pursuit of love, we often find ourselves losing ourselves in our attempt to please others.

But don’t let yourself go. Remind yourself every day how amazing you are, that anyone would be lucky to have you, that if this relationship doesn't work out, there will be another (because there will be), and that the world won’t end no matter what action you take.

Be the person that someone wants to fall in love with. Be the person who you can be in love with too.


Looking for more ways to nurture new relationships? Contact Mitzi Bockmann now and she can help!