Love, Sex

Do I Lose Masturbation Rights In A Relationship?


Over the last few years when I see couples a huge bone of contention comes up around masturbation or as some say, solo play.

I’ve notice that a small amount of partners are actually okay with their mates continuing on with their old masturbation schedules. Some are absolutely repulsed but the majority are more so hurt that they would even have the inclination to do so. For some reason, the idea of their partner masturbating feels like "they are being cheated on” and they feel left out.

The thing is, when you enter a relationship, this is something you should be discussing in the early days. I’ve had couples come in who, for years, thought their mate didn’t masturbate only to find out their partner did every morning. They were left feeling sad, shocked and betrayed. When you open the communication lines up, you can discuss what is right for your relationship.

As an intimacy coach, I think it’s unfair to ask to own each and every orgasm that your mate has. There is a different flow and feeling of masturbating and I wouldn’t want to take that from anyone. I would encourage partners that wanted the masturbation to cease to really explore what their reasoning was for taking that away.

During sessions, I am often clarifying what partners want to change and stop which in most cases means they are building rules for their partners to abide by which turns into a parent-child relationship instead of a romantic relationship. I understand that for each partnership boundaries are made, but really try to keep them at a low. As they say, pick and choose your battles.

You don’t want your partner to regard you as parent instead of a lover. :)

Check out this video to see my direct response to this question:

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