Photo: Jacob Lund | Canva
A selfie is worth a thousand words; make sure those words are saying the right things about you.
By Michael Griswold
Last updated on Sep 03, 2023
Somewhere, Ansel Adams is shaking his head: the emotional portraits of the American West and the breathtaking landscapes captured on black and white film have been replaced. Now, there are only selfies— they practically have us surrounded.
Sometimes taken with the aid of smartphones and mirrors (and often including a toilet in the background) selfies have quickly become a new form of expression.
They are posted on social media, blogs, and dating sites. But, just because selfies are popular, doesn't mean they are necessarily good. At least, not always.
If you are a guy trying to impress a love interest with one selfie, two selfies, or a montage of your greatest hit selfies, pay close attention.
People read into pictures, some even analyze them and make assumptions. Thus, you need to think before you click. It's not so much about selfies you should definitely post— rather, it's the selfies you should never send.
Men — here are 5 selfie mistakes to avoid:
1. Sending explicit selfies
You probably wouldn't consider posting an explicit selfie on Instagram or Facebook and most definitely not on LinkedIn, but you might toy with the idea of texting a pic of your pickle to a woman you are dating (or hoping to date). If you are thinking about this, STOP! Selfies of your... "little guy" are never the good news your love interest was hoping to receive.
2. Showing yourself surrounded by women
Typically, a pic of you surrounded by friends who are women is fine. However, if you are trying to meet a girl via a dating site, you better refrain from these types of photos. An image like this posted to a dating site may cause a woman to assume you are a player, and quickly swipe you away.
Even if the women surrounding you are your cousins or your sisters, people who see your photo on dating site won't know all the photo is from your most recent family reunion. So, it's best to remember where you are posting the photo and why.
3. Taking the obligatory selfie
Obligatory selfies are essentially the ones that have become cliché — a picture of you in the bathroom mirror, shirt off with a half-amused smile on your face; a picture of your feet; or a picture of you and your cat doing anything.
These don't really show any of your self-expression — they just show you taking the exact same pics as everyone else. These selfies are great to share on your friends and family channels, but they aren't what makes for future romance.
4. Posting booze-filled selfies
This can correlate to your age: if you are in your early twenties or college, and you drink, you might post a pic to tell the world, "Yes, this Bud IS for you." But, if you are older — late twenties and up — the booze-filled self-promotion can come across as immature.
As we age, people generally become aware of the long-term health and well-being effects of overconsuming alcohol. In short, they lose interest in the wild, drunken nights. As a result, they also lose interest in those who are still pursuing the alcohol-based lifestyle.
This isn't to say you can never post a pic with a glass of wine or a bottle of beer, but use a bit of class. A post with you enjoying a nice Cabernet is fine; one with you passed out on a public sidewalk, not so much.
5. Sending inappropriate selfies
The bad thing about selfies is people willingly take them anywhere: funerals, graveyards, the urologist's office.
Yet, taking them in certain places can walk the fine line between annoying and offensive. For instance, taking a solemn selfie at a funeral might be appropriate in some situations, but taking one of you giving the "hang loose" sign or having the time of your life at a funeral is definitely not OK. Again, remember where you are and why you are taking the selfie.
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Michael Griswold is a relationship and life coach who uses his expertise to help men and women heal broken hearts and find love again.