4 Crucial Do's And Don'ts For How To Make Friends With Benefits Work

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friends with benefits

Friends with benefits (FWB) are all the rage these days, which makes them an ever-growing relationship type. But it's not the easiest relationship to manage.

It's easy to see the appeal of a friends with benefits situation — no-strings-attached sex with a person you're already friends with (and no pressure to turn the sex into a deeper, more complicated romance) — however, it's equally easy to see how many ways a FWB friendship can quickly go wrong.

That's because it's one thing to say "we're having sex with no emotional attachments," and it's yet another thing to actually pull that off. Because, for many of us, sex and emotions are so closely tied together. And the awkwardness level can be high in situations when friends with benefits start questioning the benefits because you not only risk losing a great sex partner, you're also (presumably) risking an important friendship in your life.

So, yes, this type of extended friendship is risky, but if you follow these friends with benefits do's and dont's, I promise that your friendship will be as solid as ever and the sex will be great.    


1. DO be honest about everything. 

For this type of "friendship" to work, you need to make sure that you are honest about everything and anything.

For example, both friends need to make sure that they prepare for honesty if any feelings start to develop. Same thing goes for wanting to end it. If for any reason, either party wants to end this extended version of a friendship, they should be honest and tell the other person. On a less serious note, be honest about the sex!

The main point of being FWB is to have great sex. Be honest about what you like and what you don't like.  

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2. DO make sure you are already friends. 

Since this is all about sex, you need to have a type of comfort with the person to have great, enjoyable. Also, the friendship needs to already be strong so that it can endure the stress of being sexually involved.

Being friends will only make it easier to follow Do #1.  

3. DO be absolutely positive you are emotionally ready for this.

Casual sex is potentially draining. So you need to make sure you are okay with having sex that will not lead to any type of relationship.  

4. DO wear condoms.

You do not want to complicate things at all by taking the risk of getting pregnant. This is a friendship, not a relationship, so you don't want to complicate your friendship by adding unwanted pregnancy stress.

Remember: you want fun and carefree, NOT serious.


1. DON'T sleepover and/or partake in post-coitus cuddling.

Sleepovers and cuddling can lead to feeling extremely close to someone, which may lead to feelings. This is exactly what we do not want. Sleepovers here and there are OK, but cuddling is a definite no-go.

2. DON'T get jealous of any other type of relationships the other person might be having.

This goes along with the DO be honest with one another. You cannot get jealous of your FWB.

Make sure you tell each other how sexually active you are with other people so there is no room for jealousy. It's about sex, so if jealousy is starting to get in the way, it's time to call your friends with benefits situation quits!

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3. DON'T get clingy.

This means no toothbrush at his/her place and absolutely NO gifts. Remember: this is a friendship, not a relationship. So, absolutely do not do anything you would do in a serious relationship. Save those things for when you are actually in a relationship.

Don't leave a change of clothes or toothbrush there. Don't go on anything resembling a date.

4. DON'T make it all about the sex.

This is not just a booty call. Although it's not supposed to turn into a relationship, it is extremely important to maintain your friendship. A good way to maintain your friendship is to continue hanging out in groups. It's also a good idea avoid discussing your FWB situation. If your friends know you are having sex but don't know all the details, they might put pressure on you two to make it exclusive, which would be an issue.

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Janis Spindel is a matchmaker who deals with upscale men looking for marriage.

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