Why Some People Are So Judgmental (& How To Avoid Becoming One Of Them)

It's more than likes and dislikes.

The Quickest Way to Stop Feeling Judged getty

Have you ever felt judged for something? Have you ever judged another for not meeting your criteria or expectations?

People judge all the time. But what most don't realize is that it is never about the person being judged. It's all about the person doing the judging.

Some of the reasons people judge others are because:

  1. They want to make themselves feel better and downplay their fears and insecurities. When we judge ourselves for being less than, we need a place to throw our emotions. And so, we project them onto to others so that we can begin to feel better about ourselves. After all, we can't be that bad if that person can't dress well, blue hair, etc.
  2. They want to feel safe. If someone is doing something that we would classify as unsafe, we judge them for being bossy, promiscuous, reckless, weird, etc. But it's because their actions make us feel unsafe and uncomfortable.
  3. They want to connect with others by agreeing with their judgments. No one wants to feel left out. That's why most insecure people will not voice an opinion contrary to the majority because they want to fit in or not stir the pot.

But, all you're doing is projecting your own fears and insecurities onto others. So how do you stop judging others?


Here's the easy answer: Stop judging yourself and learn how to be confident.

RELATED: How To Find Happiness Even When You Feel Insecure (And Never Good Enough)

We judge because we are in fear that we aren't enough.

We're not smart enough, good enough, lovable enough, tall enough, thin enough... and the list goes on. It really boils down to us not feeling safe enough in who we perceive ourselves to be.


Life isn't a competition. It isn't about who did it better, or is smarter, or the thinnest. And just imagine a world where everyone was alike, wouldn't life would be boring?

There would be no contrast. It would be like living in a development where every house was the same color, size, and layout. There would be no differences, no personality. And not every man wants to be with a supermodel or rocket scientist or a blue-eyed blonde!

So have some compassion for yourself and delve into the real reason that you feel the need to judge others. Work on those unhealed aspects of yourself so that you can get to a place of peace around them.  

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You are perfect as you are, whether you believe it or not. And how to stop being insecure is to heal those insecurities in the first place. Here are 5 ways to do it:

  1. Be aware of your thoughts. When a negative thought pops up, acknowledge it as your ego trying to keep you small and remind yourself that you know the real truth.
  2. Look for the source. When faced with a negative thought, what was the origin? Did you accept someone else's projections as your truth?
  3. What's the good in it? While no one needs to be rude, sometimes you need to put on your "I mean business" face and stand up for yourself. Imagine your kids in trouble. How nice will you be when protecting them?
  4. Have compassion. Give yourself the love and attention you need instead of showing yourself self-hate. Even the best aren't perfect. It's just a matter of perspective.
  5. Take action. If you don't like it, then fix it. Otherwise, your pain is more comfortable than your fear of change.

When you are ready to heal your insecurities and make a positive change, get in touch with a coach who can support you through your journey.

Live confidently. Be the success you were meant to be.


RELATED: 10 Scientific Ways To Massively Boost Your Confidence

Mary Powers is a certified coach. If you want to skyrocket your level of confidence with ease and grace, visit her website for a Coaching Breakthrough Session.