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It's totally doable.
By Marilyn Orr — Written on Nov 05, 2015
For 10 years now I have been coaching business leaders and executives to provide leadership development for companies in the form of certificate programs, seminars, coaching skills training and retreats. Even though I teach at primarily business seminars, I've been told that much of the information I provide not only helps in the executives' careers, but also in their love lives — whether that be in their marriage or life partnership.
When you stop to think about it, it makes sense. Here are a few of the leadership skills and principles that also apply to your serious relationship:
1. Be fully present
When possible, stop whatever else you are doing and offer your partner your full attention - cognitively and emotionally. When you are fully present, you can communicate more effectively and each partner can know without a doubt that they are being heard and understood.
2. Listen and ask questions
The research is in — giving advice to others is rarely effective. Instead, try asking questions to your partner when they are dealing with an issue, and help them figure out their best strategy moving forward.
3. Be curious
Re-awakening your curiosity skills lets you ask more powerful and applicable questions, gives you a safeguard from judgement-filled assumptions and can help you to stay open to further dialog.
4. Speak their language
Whether we are talking DISC Insights or The Five Love Languages, the principle is the same. Learn how the other person communicates and adapt your communication for better connection.
5. Increase your (and your partner's) assertiveness
Assertiveness is not aggression — it's the ability to know what you are thinking and feeling and to communicate it clearly without harm to others and without minimizing yourself. Sometimes even in our closest relationships we hold back for various reasons. Often we don't make the effort to thoughtfully and kindly present our thoughts, especially when they are loaded with emotion. Neither extreme is helpful and both damage intimacy.
6. Celebrate and acknowledge each other
This will likely look very different at home than at work (there's likely no certificates, bonuses, "exceeds expectations" categories, or pay increases at home!). Notice the little things and comment on them. "I came home tired from work and you had supper ready — thank you so much. I means a lot to me." It doesn't take much, but it's so easy to just take the everyday efforts for granted.
7. Plan for skill development
Healthy, wise companies budget for ongoing skill development and enhancement. Learning how to listen better, handle conflict in productive ways and learn how to bring out the best in those around you are all relevant to our life partnerships. Be proactive in your relationships so you can stay ahead of the problem.
This article was originally published at my blog . Reprinted with permission from the author.