10 Signs He Regrets Cheating On You (And Still Loves You)
"Once a cheater always a cheater" isn't always true. Often, people do regret their affairs and work to make things right with the person they love.
fizkes / Shutterstock Some people say "once a cheater always a cheater," but that's not true 100% of the time. After infidelity, there are many times the person who cheated regrets having an affair because they still do love their partner and deeply hope they did not lose the opportunity to stay with them.
If the man you love betrayed you, you might feel like there is no way he loves you, but it's not always that clear-cut. Men cheat for many reasons, and most of the time it's not because they don't love their partners. Different men will feel different levels of remorse and guilt, and some may not have the empathy and conscience necessary to regret and feel remorse for what they did.
If your boyfriend or husband cheated on you and you still love him, there are signs you can look for to get a sense of whether or not he regrets cheating.
Whether you take him back or not will depend on many factors, and should it be done with caution if you do, but repairing your relationship is definitely not impossible.
10 Signs He Regrets Cheating and Still Loves You
1. He ended the affair.
Knowing you are about to leave scares him so much he stops the affair immediately. He doesn't want to lose you because you really are the one he loves.
2. He promises to do whatever it takes to win you back.
It can be difficult for men to lay everything down on the line to make the relationship work. If he truly breaks down and tells you he will do absolutely anything to have you back, you may have someone who truly does love you.
3. He seeks professional help.
He wants to know why he had the affair and hurt the one person he loves most. To do this, he seeks counseling to help uncover the mystery, and show you he is serious; he didn't cheat because he doesn't love you.
He might even suggest couples therapy for both of you so you can work things out with a professional. The willingness to take the extra step and get help shows he actually regrets cheating and wants to fix the relationship.
4. He holds himself accountable for his actions.
Men don’t want to come clean about their mistakes. If he holds himself accountable and tells everyone how much he messed up, you know he regrets what he did. If he didn't really regret cheating, he would keep it secret because he wouldn't want to mess up his reputation. If he cares more about you than his image, you know he still loves you.
5. He follows through with his commitment to change.
If you’ve told him he must do a list of things to show you he truly loves you, and he does everything you ask, you know he is committed to you ... and only you. Men who don't regret cheating don't want to put in the effort to prove their love to you.
It is hard to believe he didn’t cheat on you to hurt you, especially because you are so hurt. Some men truly don’t think about their significant others when they have an affair. It may not make any sense to you, and it may make you want to run far away from him so you never hurt again, but this is something to consider.
6. He feels remorseful.
When a man gets caught cheating, he may feel either guilty, remorseful, both, or neither. How cheaters feel about themselves depends on their personality. They may feel as though they haven't really done much wrong and their cheating was justified somehow, or they might feel like a terrible monster.
If he's feeling guilty, that means he's only ashamed because he got caught. When he's feeling remorse, that means he regrets cheating in the first place. Guilt is more about his feelings than yours. Remorse is based on empathy and shows he is truly aware of how much pain his cheating has caused you.
7. He apologizes more than once.
If he takes the time to give you a thoughtful apology more than once, he really does care about you.
Dr. Jennifer Thomas and Gary Chapman believe there are apology languages, just like love languages, and outline proper ways to apologize. In a good apology, they say, men take full responsibility for their actions, and they acknowledge the pain they caused you. They don't blame you for "causing" them to cheat.
A man who regrets cheating will not be defensive or trying to shift the blame. Owning what he did and expressing his awareness of how he hurt you shows how much he regrets what he did.
8. He is willing to work (and wait) to regain your trust.
A man who regrets cheating doesn't put a timeline on your forgiveness. He doesn't expect you to "get over it" and go back to trusting him as you did before or to pretend like things are completely fine. If he loves you, he'll be patient with the work it takes to rebuild trust. There would be no reason for him to put in the time and work if he didn't regret his actions.
9. He shares his feelings openly with you.
Cheating involves a lot of hurtful secrecy, so you'll know he wants to make things work with you if he's suddenly more open, honest, and genuine than ever before. People who don't regret cheating might pull away even more, but if there's true regret, you'll see a lot of change.
10. Others notice changes in him.
Close friends and others in your circles should be able to see he's a changed man. You shouldn't have to insist to your friends that he's changed after cheating—his behavior should speak for itself. A man who regrets cheating will work to better himself in drastic ways.
Marcelina Hardy, MSEd, BCC, is an author, life coach, marriage educator, and relationship coach.