I Want My Boyfriend Back!

Dear Lucia,

I've dated my boyfriend for 1 year and a half. We are Christians and have not had sex. We are not virgins, we both had other relationships and lovers before we met but we made a commitment to purity until marriage

He told me he was not happy with his job situation and was desperate for a change. I got anxious since we had talked and fantasized about the idea of marriage. He started feeling pressure, freaked out and bailed the day before Valentines Day, because he thought I was expecting a proposal.

It’s been 4 months since we've broken up. We have not seen each other and have had limited conversation. In a recent call he told me he didn’t feel prepared professionally or financially to provide. He said he was having doubts about us and that it may very well be that he is afraid of change and commitment.

He said that he still does not think we are over and that he's confused. One day he thinks he did the right thing but the next day he misses me and thinks he might have made a mistake. In short he said he is still figuring us out.

I spied on his Facebook page and saw there was correspondence with a chick and major flirting. We spoke today and it was tearing me apart. I asked him about her and he said they've hung out, she is a big flirt, but he is not "seeing" her.

Christian or not, he's still a man and these comments on Facebook to this girl were not "Christian like". Her last message to him was "I miss you". I'm going nuts here. He tells me vague things about us. I hold on to that thinking there is hope but then I find out he's up to something with someone else...

I love this man and I want him back. I need to get him away from this chick and make him miss me and realize I'm the one for him. How do I do this when our conversation is limited to begin with? Stephanie
 

Dear Stephanie,

This man has told you many things since he broke up with you; however, even though you say you love him, you have not told me that he has said that he loves you. His words and actions are not those of a man who is ready to be married.

I don’t know what the story is with the new girl. I’ve found that on social media, things are not always what they seem. Just because she may miss him, it doesn’t mean he misses her! She may have said that to make them seem closer than they are, in order to keep other women away. You can’t worry about the competition. You can only control your own behavior.

Do not sit around waiting for him to decide whether he is coming back or not. He has all the power. I’d be going nuts too. It’s time to take the power back.

Ask God to give you the strength to accept the situation as it currently is and for the strength to move on and start dating other men. I truly believe this is the only way you can turn this around.

If you are sitting around obsessing about him 24/7, he will pick up on it and will know he can take all the time in the world to make up his mind. If however, you have moved on, he will be able to sense that something is different whenever you do have contact.

Don’t be so quick to return phone calls, emails and/or texts. Don’t ask him for a status report on his feelings or the situation between you two. Keep conversations light, fun and short. Be busy and happy when you speak to him. In essence, the same things you did to attract him in the beginning are the same things you must now do to “re-attract” him.

If he starts to show signs of wanting to get back together, don’t be so quick to take him back. He’s already bailed once. He needs to prove that he’s in it for the long haul and is seriously considering marriage.