Love, Sex

Are You Pushing Love Away Because You Want It Too Much?

At one of my workshops I asked my audience why, in their opinion, they hadn’t been able to attract their ideal life partner. One woman raised her hand and said: Because I want it too much.

We all have a sense that when we want something too much, we never get it. Because when we want something too much – we suffer because we don’t have it yet. And from a place of suffering it is impossible to create anything healthy or positive.

When you are in a desperate need of a relationship, you worry all the time; you ask yourself: What do I need to do in order to find the right guy? You jump into action. You go to a single’s event and you worry that no one will notice you. You either show too much interest, or the opposite – become too cold, unapproachable, because you fear that everyone will see how desperate you are.

If you do meet an attractive guy, you don’t let yourself see him clearly. You immediately put him on a pedestal. You close your eyes on the red flags quickly classifying them as “little things.” You fall in love with an imaginary person. You fall in love with the idea of love.

It is mind-boggling that in order to get what we want, we sometimes need to step back and just let it happen. It’s too scary. How can I do nothing and just trust that it’ll come to me? What if it doesn’t? We are so used to being in the driver’s seat… The idea of letting go or allowing love to come to you (all by itself!) is very uncomfortable.

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