6 Things Even Smart Women Do When They're In Love — That Mess Everything Up

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man and woman flirting

Decisions can move us closer to love, or they can take us further away. While that makes sense and sounds logical, the decision-making most of us have doesn’t give us the love we desire. 

Since attention spans are shorter and impatience is the norm, we jump to conclusions and make rash decisions when a guy doesn’t immediately respond the way we’d like. We don’t give ourselves the time and space to make good choices and thoughtful decisions. 

Instead, we make short-term decisions that take us further away from love. Then we become frustrated, disappointed, and discouraged when things don’t work out our way.

Our instant gratification society causes us to want things now, making it hard to be with what is and looking for a quick fix. 

We want things to happen our way and want love when we want it. But love happens when we’re ready for it, not necessarily when we want it. Are your decisions pushing love further away?

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Whether you're up to date on the latest love and dating advice or not, read through these six common approaches to decision-making so you can recognize how you tend to make decisions about love. 

You’ll also learn how you may be pushing love further away, and what you can start doing to reverse that. 

1. You make rash decisions because you're simply reacting.

When someone says or does something that makes you upset, sad, or defensive, you may assume the worst and take it personally. Because you’re human, your natural inclination may be to overreact and make a hasty decision from a place of negative energy. 

You may have heard of the saying, “Haste makes waste” which also applies to matters of the heart. When you rush a decision or act too quickly, it actually derails or slows things down because you’re seeing things for what you imagine them to be instead of for what they are.

The next time you’re negatively triggered and find yourself about to make a rash decision, slow down, breathe, and feel through those emotions. Then make your decision when you feel centered. 

2. You let decisions make you because you're afraid of making the wrong decisions. 

If you tend to agonize over making the wrong decision, you’re likely to end up doing nothing.

 By not doing anything at all, the decision will make itself. If you can adopt the perspective that there are no right or wrong decisions, there are just decisions you make and outcomes you get, it will make it easier to decide.

It’s actually very simple. If you make a decision and you like the outcome, continue down that path. If you want a different outcome, make a different decision or choice.

3. You make regretful decisions, based on strong emotions, that take you out of your integrity.

When blinded by lust or infatuation, you’ll miss, overlook, or rationalize red flags. You make decisions that sacrifice your integrity, like bending over backward to please a guy at the expense of your own happiness, giving too much and accepting crumbs in return, and having to keep him around.

Those kinds of decisions will wear down your self-esteem and self-worth, leaving you feeling ashamed of who you’ve become. 

If you’ve realized these are the kinds of decisions you’ve been making, be kind and compassionate to yourself. You’re doing the best you can in any given moment based on what you know. These are the lessons you’re meant to learn and the growth you’re meant to experience.

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4. You over-think decisions, instead of listening to your inner wisdom.

The more you try to think your way to a decision, the more confusing it is. That's because over-thinking doesn’t let you see things clearly. Over-analyzing things will keep us caught in our monkey mind, rationalizing decisions that don’t feel right.

When it comes to matters of the heart, making decisions from your mind rarely results in your desired outcome. Instead, those decisions perpetuate the cycle of unhealthy love. The truest answer to love is felt in your body — that’s where you connect to your inner wisdom.

5. You put too much weight on your friends' advice.

A friend’s opinion is mostly biased and rarely impartial because they’re based on her experiences, perspective, and outlook on love. When you use her advice to make decisions, it will lean towards what she would do which isn’t necessarily right for you. 

The next time you find yourself explaining your dilemma to a friend, think about these 14 reasons to stop listening to others, so you can truly listen to yourself.  

6. You make short-term decisions, hoping for long-term results.

If you’re not seeing anyone, it may make sense to go out with a guy you’re attracted to, even if you know he isn’t the right one. For instance, when you’ve just gotten out of a 23-year marriage and follow dating advice to put yourself out there.

But in most cases, going out with that guy is short-sighted. You’ll be getting short-term wants met at the expense of your long-term desires. You’ll end up sending mixed signals to the Universe, higher power, or God, and continue getting mixed results. 

So when presented with a decision to make, ask, “Is what I’m about to decide taking me further away from what I truly desire? Or is it moving me closer?”  Then choose in favor of that which moves you closer.

You're always one decision away from the love you desire. You’re only human, so don’t agonize over every single decision you make about love. If you happen to make a decision you regret, or one that gives you what you don’t want, it’s okay. There’s always another opportunity for a do-over. 

Just make conscious decisions, and be consistent in decision-making that will move you closer to love. 

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Janet Ong Zimmerman is the founder of Love for Successful Women, and creator of the Woo Course: 9 Juicy Ways to Bring Out a Man's Desire to Woo You. She helps successful women experience love with ease and clarity.