Can You Have Sex Without Love & Is It Healthy?



Helen Fisher, “Anatomy of Love and The Sex Contract.,” is required reading in many graduate programs for future Marriage and Family Therapists. Helen Fisher is a Biological Anthropologist who has studied the human brain in love. Some of her findings indicate that we are genetically predisposed in certain ways depending upon whether we were born female or male, and that chemistry does, in fact, play an important role. Not the chemistry we typically think of when it comes to attraction and lust, but the chemistry that results in mixing the bodily fluids of two individuals. Helen Fischer also happens to be the person behind’s spin-off site: “” Though if you’ve ever tried that site, you’re probably thinking -- yeah, right - that’s got to be about as unscientific as it gets, they might as well match you with a being from another planet, or a rare animal species from a distant land. But that’s for another discussion. Let’s just stick to the basics of sex and love for now.

Can You Have Sex Without Love?

Wouldn’t that depend upon what a person thought? Someone whose mother raised her to think that kissing boys creates babies and then you have to drop out of school and horrible, horrible things will then happen to you because you’ll be poor, living out on the street somewhere -- would no doubt create one set of thoughts on the matter. While someone who was raised to think that the more offspring s/he spawned, the better chance of reaching heaven, nirvanah, fulfillment of a soul contract, or at the very least a multi-generational family business -- would have a different set of thoughts.

We all have an amazing ability to be able to think anything we want to think and then think about if we want to believe it or not! Yet few people realize that. Most of us have fallen prey to some insidious belief we weren’t even aware of, it was so much a part of our fiber. Like a fish swimming in water; do you think they realize it? No, they just swim around like you and I walk -- we’re not thinking about walking through space, we just do what we do naturally. Well, that’s what our ability to think is like; it’s what comprises our experience of life. Without the ability to think, and to be conscious of what we think, we would not experience life -- that’s a fact; albeit a spiritual fact.

So, then we grow up and have this worldview of:

  • how to behave in life
  • what to expect in life
  • what to value
  • how to show what we value
  • ______________________ (fill in the blank)

But we don’t realize we have a worldview, that is unique, but also borrowed.

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