The 3 Most Common Excuses People Make For Staying In Toxic Relationships
Free yourself to find a future full of possibility.
Africa images | Canva That's it. You can't take it anymore. It's time for a fresh start. You can feel it in your core. It's time to leave this toxic relationship once and for all. You're tired of the fights, the silence, walking on eggshells. You're just plain tired.
You can barely stand to look at yourself in the mirror because you're ashamed of what you have become: a doormat, a victim. Your friends and family noticed the signs of a toxic relationship and have been keeping their distance lately — and you can't blame them. Being around you and your partner is uncomfortable at best. This situation is negatively affecting all the areas of your life, and you're ready to make a move.
You admit that you've thought about it for a while. It's been months — maybe years — that you've imagined what life would be like without your partner. You've seen other couples who bring out the best in each other and you long to experience that kind of love. You imagine feeling truly adored and respected by your partner. You know deep down that you deserve a better relationship and you've finally mustered up the courage to break free. And then, that little (but loud) lying voice in your head speaks up and you begin to doubt yourself again.
Here are the 3 most common excuses people make for staying in toxic relationships:
1. Your partner isn't that bad, they are just under a lot of stress
Are you kidding me? How about the stress that you're under? Living with a toxic relationship is critically stressful. Does that give them the right to treat the person they "love" like a piece of dirt? In times of stress, you should be there for each other. That excuse isn't acceptable. You deserve better.
2. You won't have anywhere to go if you leave
You may have created a situation where you've become dependent on your partner, but you have options. There are friends, family, and community groups willing to help you now that you've decided to put your (and your children's) best interests first. It may be hard for a while, but this has been harder and you're ready to start over with your head held high.
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3. You will be alone for the rest of your life
Nobody wants to be alone for the rest of their life, but that is how you've felt in this relationship: alone. Why would you stay any longer? You should focus on starting a new life and feeling good about your choices, rather than looking for a partner to "complete" you. If you want someone else to love you like you deserve, you'd better start taking better care of yourself.
Deciding to leave any relationship isn't easy. In addition to your inner voice challenging you, your friends, family, and partner may try to convince you to stick it out. It's scary to start again, but the freedom is exhilarating and the future that awaits you is full of possibility.
Lisa L. Payne is a life transitions coach, motivational speaker, and author of the book, "What If They Knew? Secrets of an Impressive Woman."