Photo: unsplash / Alicia Petresc
Don't let stress ruin what you have.
By Lianne Avila — Written on Dec 16, 2019
Many people go into a relationship thinking it will make them happy. Unfortunately, all too many couples find out that this is not the case.
Are you tired of feeling stressed out? Do you feel like you are working a second shift when you get home? Do you want to know how to reduce stress so you don't take it out on your partner?
Following a few stress management tips will help you have a healthy relationship despite the overwhelming things you have going on in your life.
At first, being in a relationship is bliss. Your partner can’t do anything wrong in your eyes.
But, after a while, the longer relationships go, things change. You begin to see your partner as a real human being, flaws and all. And, sadly, this may start making you feel unloved and stressed out.
But, don't fret because there are some stress management techniques that can get you through those times.
So, if you're feeling stressed out in your relationship, here are 5 things you can do to reduce it so your love lasts.
1. Talk it out
Society teaches us that when you go into a relationship, everything will just work out. Wrong.
In a healthy relationship, you need to tell your partner what you need, what you like, and what you don’t like. Keep talking about it, until you can come to a compromise that works for both of you.
Humans are always changing, so learn to work through your differences.
2. Don’t get caught up in expectations
If you ask me, I think people should go into a relationship without expectations. We live in a world where everything is about setting goals.
It’s easy to get caught up in the goal and miss out on enjoying the process. Neither you are your partner are perfect. This is the first expectation to drop.
Stop setting deadlines for your relationship. Do you absolutely have to buy a house in a year or have exactly two children — one boy and one girl?
Expectations will set you up for failure. This will make you feel bad and lead to resentment.
3. Admit when you’re wrong and be silent when you’re right
This is one of the hardest things to do in a relationship, but one of the best. This means that after an argument, you have had a chance to repair it.
You can’t get over an argument unless there has been some repairing. It’s easy to let things build up. You don’t want to do this. It will make things worse in the long run.
4. Build a culture of understanding in your relationship
It’s easy to want to fix the problem first. You can’t fix anything unless you have a culture of understanding. This means you need to listen to one another.
Share stories about your past. What have you overcome in your life? How was your parent’s relationship? We learn how to be in relationships through our family of origin.
What does this mean? You don’t know what you don’t know.
5. Create a list of stress-reducing rituals
Are you having fun in your relationship? If you are stressed, then the answer is probably "no". You want to be able to have fun with your partner.
For stress relief, there are a couple of things you can do.
Go to places where you have good memories. Where did you take your first hike together or first-weekend getaway? Do you have a favorite movie?
Laugh together. Laughter helps reduce stress. Make sure you have a couple of stress-reducing rituals, for yourself as well. Take a bubble bath or read poetry.
Healthy relationships are hard work but managing stress is possible.
You don’t want your relationship to be a source of stress in your life, as it will cause you to drift from your partner. It could eventually even lead to a breakup.
When you get home at the end of the day, you want to be excited to see your partner. You want to feel the stress leave your body.
When you've been in a relationship for a while, it's easy to forget to play or even dream together. When you are dreaming together, you are having fun together. This alone will help reduce stress.
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Lianne Avila is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, in San Mateo, CA. She has helped many couples through the bumps in a relationship. For a free phone consultation or more information, please visit Lessons for Love.
This article was originally published at Lessons for Love. Reprinted with permission from the author.