Why A Morning Routine For Sex & Emotional Connection Is The Key To Genuine Intimacy
Boost the sex and emotional connection in your relationship with this simple routine.
getty Journaling, meditation, and a cup of matcha-latte might be the morning routine of CEOs. But setting your day up for success shouldn’t only center on business and personal development.
By crafting your morning routine for sex and emotional connection, you’ll be increasing the longevity and happiness of your relationship — and that’s certainly worth a few minutes in the morning.
Everyone has routines, whether you refer to them as such or not.
What are morning routines?
If the first thing you do when you wake up is to reach for your phone, that’s a routine.
If you always put the kettle on before running off to the loo, that’s a routine.
If you always give your partner a hug, before getting out of bed, that’s a routine, too.
Intent and purpose in daily routines and "rituals."
Over the years, morning and evening routines — or rituals, as they’re sometimes called — have become a bit of a staple in self-help books.
The difference between these routines and the ones we do arbitrarily is their intent and purpose.
Morning routines and rituals are designed to ground yourself before the day starts. By engaging in them, you can make good decisions and power through challenges throughout the day.
Why are routines helpful?
While some people swear by their routines for their success, both in business and in life, these rituals are, by default, usually quite self-centered.
Now, being self-centered isn’t something most people strive for. In fact, self-centered is seen as an ugly word by most. But, it doesn’t have to be.
Zoning in on yourself, your wants, needs, and challenges, is important for everyone around you, too.
If you’re completely unaware of what’s going on inside of you, chances are, you’ll take things out on people, blaming the rest of the world for everything happening to you instead of taking ownership.
By using a routine or ritual to start the day, you can become aware of your feelings and thoughts, which in turn, might help your relationships.
Why should you establish one for your sex life and relationship?
What do morning routines have to do with sex and emotional connection?
Potentially, quite a lot.
If the theory is that a few simple steps each morning help set yourself up for success in business and in life, the same should be able to happen for your relationship and sex life.
As Ross from Friends reminded us about marriage in the '90s: "[Relationships aren’t] all laughing, happy, candy in the sky, drinking coffee at Central Perk all the time!"
Even with the ’90s gone, this statement remains true. Relationships and an active sex life usually take work and commitment if they’re to survive and thrive.
It's the little things that count most.
In sex therapy, I talk about this with clients a lot. Romantic movies have primed us to think of grand gestures and big statements as true romance builders.
And even if they can make a difference, it’s the small things that are the biggest game changes.
Time is a rare commodity — and it’s easier to change a relationship through small, routine habits, rather than booking in a date night once every other month.
When you practice positive habits often, you may start to see a shift in your relationship from ho-hum to zing.
Enter your morning routine.
By establishing a quick and simple ritual that focuses on sex and emotional connection, you can infuse your relationship with life.
Ground yourself in your relationship and healthy sex life.
The primary goal of your morning routine is to ground yourself in your relationship and prime yourself for sex.
Since sex rarely happens spontaneously in long relationships, anyway, it’s all about finding the path of least resistance when it comes to activating your sex life.
And part of this is all about your brain and getting it onboard.
A morning routine can be executed in many ways, and it doesn’t mean having sex every morning (unless you want to, of course) or sparing 50 minutes each morning for deep conversation (because who wants to talk when they’ve just woken up, anyway?).
You can still feel close to your partner, even when there’s minimal time, by setting up your day for sex to be more easily in the cards.
For a morning ritual that will ground you in your relationship and lead to deeper intimacy in sex and your relationship, here are 3 steps.
1. Take a few moments to connect with a beautiful memory the two of your share.
This can be done on your own.
Some might prefer to write it down, whereas others prefer to daydream for a minute or two.
2. Actively think of your partner’s positive qualities.
These can be both physical or mental.
Either way, you’ll want to focus your energy on the things they do or the way they are that lights you up and makes you feel connected to them.
3. Dream yourself away to a time and place where you can share romance and connection.
This one is all about the future.
Fantasizing about things you’d like to do with your partner — even if really unrealistic or super simple — can make you feel closer to your partner.
Here are 3 steps to create a ritual to prime yourself for sex and intimacy.
1. Fantasize about a favorite sexual memory that involves the two of you.
By bringing these memories to the forefront of your mind, you’re prompting your brain to think about sex, which is important for a lot of people in order to spark sex drive.
2. Think about something or someone you find attractive.
Priming yourself for sex with your partner can mean fantasizing about other people or things that make you feel sexy.
For example, an outfit you feel confident in or the barista who makes your morning coffee. Whatever works for you!
3. Reminisce back to when you first felt that jolt of attraction to your partner.
This one is done best by tapping into how you felt in your body and mind. Where did you feel that jolt? In your stomach or your chest?
Perhaps your partner literally made you feel weak at the knees.
Once your routine is well underway, you might just notice more moments of conversation, warm cuddles, and hungry eyes.
The things you prime yourself for in the morning, more easily happen because you look forward to them. That cup of coffee you enjoy together or the look they give you when you come out of the shower in a towel.
Your morning routine takes care of your relationship and sex life with just a few minutes each day.
Morning routines will help make your relationship and sex life a priority.
Prioritize your relationship and sex life.
Morning routines can be a good way of starting the day on a positive note. If you’re interested in cultivating one — make sure to take everything into account.
Instead of just focusing on work or your own personal dreams, craft a ritual for sex and emotional connection.
By doing this, you’re setting your life and the life of your partner up for success.
Longevity and happiness in relationships are worth a few minutes of your time, and everyone has them to spare.
Leigh Norén is a sex therapist and writer with a Master of Science in Sexology. She’s been featured in Women’s Health, Thrive Global, The Good Men Project, Glamour, Elephant Journal, and more. For more advice on sex and emotions, visit her website. If you’re looking to improve your sexual or emotional connection, download her free resource: The Guide for Intimacy.