6 Ways Strong Women Turn Obstacles Into Opportunity After Divorce
Take back your power.
getty Divorce is overwhelming. You are trying to move forward in the face of immense loss, anxiety, and fear, but the strongest women quickly learn how to take back the power in their life. They turn what most people think of as a tragedy into something wonderfully transformative and life-changing.
In the first stages of getting divorced, you may feel vulnerable and alone, caught up in a process you don’t understand and can’t control. You don’t know what’s up ahead, and all of that not knowing is a scary, powerless place to be.
You may also feel powerless in a world that equates divorce with failure. You must somehow be broken, society seems to say, because why else would your marriage be ending?
Those self-limiting beliefs wrap you up in paralyzing blankets of guilt and shame, turning you into your own greatest obstacle in your divorce … if you let them.
You don’t have to, though. There is a path forward, and it's one only you can create.
It requires you to challenge your fears, question your beliefs and trust in your own power.
Once you’ve invested in yourself and are on your path, nothing will stop you.
You won’t allow the chaos around you to impact the peace within you any longer. You won’t allow anything to deter you from creating what you want. You won’t wait for other people to make it happen.
And from this place, being divorced will no longer seem terrible or tragic. It’s the springboard you needed dive off from in order to reinvent and transform your life!
To help you start along your own path, here are 6 things strong women do in order to turn obstacles into opportunities and move on with life after divorce.
1. They shift their perspective
If you focus on the obstacles in your divorce, you make them appear more powerful to you than yourself, and you will be so distracted by them, you'll never see opportunities as they arise.
What you believe, you make true, so shift your perspective.
Divorce gives you the gifts of choice, freedom, and opportunity, so you don’t have to stay handcuffed to an unfulfilling marriage.
You aren’t a victim of this process. Divorce is an opportunity to learn how powerful and resilient you really are. It’s an opportunity to use challenge for growth, evolution, reinvention and transformation.
Your divorce is an investment — of time, money, energy and effort — in yourself, so choose a perspective that empowers you.
2. They let go of the past
You thought you knew what your marriage was going to be, but then it didn’t go the way you thought or hoped it would.
You were so certain you knew. You dove right in, head-first, with all of those fairy-tale ideas of happily ever after.
If all of that was just make-believe, what else isn’t true? Who are you now? Do you know anymore?
More than any other time in your life, divorce gives you the opportunity to reevaluate and redefine yourself as separate from the chaos around you. You are not defined by your past or your circumstances. You don’t have to allow society, this divorce, or even your own inner critics to minimize you. You don’t have to blindly accept other people’s beliefs as your own.
Question your own beliefs, and if they don’t serve you, change them. Let go of what you think you know and choose what you want instead.
You choose who you want to be and what you want your life to be. You don’t need to play follow the leader anymore. You are the leader.
3. They learn to believe in themselves
Scientifically, your mind can’t distinguish between what is imagined and what is real, and if your mind believes what you imagine is real, it will help make it real.
When you have positive beliefs about yourself, your mind floods your body with feel-good chemicals like serotonin and dopamine. And guess what? Negative beliefs can cause your mind to flood your body with depressive chemicals.
Professional athletes from Jack Nicklaus to Muhammad Ali have used the power of visualization and belief to improve performance, because they know that mental rehearsal is just as important as physical training.
Regardless of what is happening around you in your life or in this divorce, you have enormous power in choosing how you want to experience it, how you want to be with it, and how you want to use it moving forward.
You are powerful. Believe in yourself. Trust you can handle anything that comes your way. Let your mind make that your reality!
4. They learn how to negotiate in their divorce
When you are in the challenging divorce process, your immediate goal is to be divorced. You’ve gotten on that plane. You’re trusting some unseen pilot to get you there.
Where? Oh, you don’t know the destination. You don’t know the route. You don’t know how long it will take. You’re just hoping you will land in a better place than where you are now.
Sometimes, it is, but most of the time, it’s not. Why? Your goal is not just to be divorced.
The real goal of this negotiation is to fund your future, both in the decisions you make with your divorce and those you'll make moving forward.
So, what is your ideal future? Who are you in that future? What are you doing? What is your life like?
What are you negotiating for in your divorce to create it? It’s up to you to chart the path ahead. And you’re the only pilot who can get you there.
5. They take charge of their own future
Beautiful woman, you are the power of creation. You create life, give birth, nurture, and protect — and now is the time to do that for yourself.
The choices you make today create the future you want tomorrow and change happens step by step.
What can you do right now to get you one small step closer to the future you want? You don’t have to know what that path looks like from start to finish, you just have to take one small step now. And you don’t have to have all the answers yet either. Every step will inform and empower the next one. You are experiencing, learning, and growing along the way.
Every small choice you make in service of that future vision adds up to create it. How will you know you’re there? It might not look exactly like you thought it would, but man, it feels fantastic.
You are happy. You are at peace. You are free. That’s how you know.
And look, nobody else got you here but you!
6. They invest in themselves
Your divorce challenged you, but it also showed you your strengths. It forced you to create clarity from confusion. And it required you to use your voice and negotiate for what you want.
So, now what? This is your opportunity to align your newfound strengths with your passions and purpose, and monetize it! Divorce can give you the courage, the confidence and the push you need to truly invest in yourself and make decisions that will positively impact your future. It will give you the chance to put aside time, effort, and energy to do the things that you want to do. To focus on your happiness for the coming years.
It's easy to see divorce as an important part of your life that is ending, but it's so much more than that!
Don't think of divorce as a chapter closing; think of it as another chapter of your life beginning. You are a strong woman, and you will be able to get through your divorce and use it as an opportunity to lay out your goals for the future. Using these tips, you'll be able to give back to yourself and take charge of your new life.
Laura Miolla is a leadership & divorce coach, parentology coach, and mediator helping professional women better navigate and use divorce as a springboard for personal and professional success. Schedule a complimentary strategic consultation or visit her website for access to free resources and exclusive content to help you lead in your divorce!