If You’re With This Type Of Guy, Odds Are You're Being Abused

Photo: View Apart / Shutterstock
 If You’re With This Type Of Guy, Odds Are You're Being Abused

He remains calm while crushing you with his covert psychological abuse.

Your partner assaults you without even raising his voice. He (or she) contradicts your opinions. He trivializes your feelings. He blocks your communication. He counters your every thought. He undermines your efforts.

Drip. Drip. Drip …

He insults and ridicules you and he says he was joking and you’re too sensitive. When you tell him to “stop it” he turns on you and says you’re “overreacting.”

Drip. Drip. Drip …

He grins contemptuously and he ridicules and mimics you in front of friends and family.

RELATED: Scary Signs You're Being Emotionally Blackmailed In Your Relationship

Drip. Drip. Drip …

He fails to keep his promises to you, claiming an oversight, or he says he “forgot.” 

Drip. Drip. Drip …

He harshly criticizes you and then he tells you he was only trying to help.

Drip. Drip. Drip …

He instigates a menacing argument and then he discounts and denies his hurtful actions.

Drip. Drip. Drip …

He describes himself as easy-going and he tells everyone you are hard to get along with. He convinces everyone that you are the one who is crazy.

RELATED: 21 Signs You're In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship

Drip. Drip. Drip …

He convinces you — you are the one with the problem!.

Lundy Bancroft presents the “Water Torturer" in his book, Why Does He Do That?, in which he states that the Water Torturer is difficult to identify and the psychological effects of living with the Water Torturer can be severe and sink in deeply.

Bancroft explains:

"He tends to stay calm in arguments, using his own evenness as a weapon to push his partner over the edge. If she yells in frustration, leaves the room crying, or sinks into silence he tells his victim, “See, you’re the abusive one, not me. You’re the one who’s yelling and refusing to talk things out rationally. I wasn’t even raising my voice. It’s impossible to reason with you.” The victim may then feel stupid and inferior, doubt her reality and even blame herself for his hurtful behavior."

The Water Torturer’s goal is to tear you down to make you feel weak and insecure and precariously dependent on him.

You recoil to get away from your partner’s cruelty, and you try to regain your equilibrium after his latest verbal attack. You may wonder what you did wrong as you try to salvage your positive outlook on life. Just when you think you are starting to recover from his latest battering — he knocks you down with yet another unexpected verbal assault.

Until one day you decide it’s easier to stay in bed.

The longer you stay with an abuser, the more he can isolate you from your family and friends and make you dependent on him for your welfare and happiness.

You question your self-worth. You wonder if the abuse is your fault and you doubt your ability to take care of yourself.

RELATED: 4 Common Manipulation Techniques Used By Toxic People

The longer you stay with an abuser the more you doubt if any man will ever want you again.

Girl, grab your Michael Kors purse and the keys to your Audi and leave that good-for-nothing scumbag!

Nancy Nichols is the author of Believe It Or Not, Verbal Abuse Is A Planned Event, and learn the covert tactics of controlling abusive personalities in her best-selling self-help book, Never Date a Dead Animal: The Red Flags of Loser, Abusers, Cheaters and Con-Artists.

Sign up for YourTango's free newsletter!