3 Simple Steps To Find Your Happiness AND Self Confidence

The secret to self-confidence is finding your happiness, but how exactly do you find happiness?

just me

"I'm just not happy with him," she said. "I want happiness. I want self-confidence. Why can't I find a guy who can make me feel GOOD and give me the life I want?"

An age-old problem—finding happiness. I told my friend that quite possibly, the answer to her question is so close she can't see it. Being too close to a solution can cause us to miss it altogether. The answer to "how to find happiness" is one we seem to seek outside ourselves, which is like going to a law firm for your medical exam or going to a hospital to get your taxes done.


I know, with all the positive quotes we share, tweet, pin and comment on, it seems that some of that happy-feel-goodness would stick and we'd feel better long-term instead of just for the moment.

The fact is that those quotes and suggestions with their wonderful truths and inspiration are simply like putting a post-it note over your check engine light so you won't see it. We gloss over the real issue of unhappiness and lack of self-confidence by wanting a quick fix. Does happiness really have to be a life-long quest? Is self-confidence truly so delicate that a comment from a stranger can drop us down into wondering if we're good enough ... again?


If these two—happiness and self-confidence—are having a relationship in a secret room inside us somewhere, how do we find it, unlock it, pull them out and reprimand them for staying hidden all these years?

Here are some keys to unlock your happy, self-confident future:

1. Me Time. Surely I jest. I mean, you don't have time for yourself. Certainly not with everyone else needing you. Make time. This is the only way to learn who you are underneath — where your happiness and self-confidence can be built. Look at it this way: you look at your car and see the super cool exterior (or the creepy exterior you wish was different), you only see the shell. A mechanic looks at your undercarriage; (oops, watch out!) he sees the workings, what makes your car tick and what your car needs to be happy. (Forgive me. I come from a mechanic's family.) If you don't know what makes you tick without the chaos of other people and all of your daily duties and obligations, you'll never find out what you truly need to have happiness. If you can't see beyond other people's comments and your own judgy-ness to see who you really are at your core, you can never be self-confident.

Me time is relaxing: favorite tea, good personal growth book, peacefulness wherever you can find or create it. A warm bubble bath or a quite walk by yourself in a favorite place (no, not the mall!). It's amazing what thoughts zoom by when you take time enough to allow your brilliant mind full of wisdom to relax even for a few minutes at a time working up to that three hours or full day of Me Time. Those who truly love you will support you when they see how great you feel afterwards.


2. Think about the things in your life that truly make you happy right now. One of my friends doesn't have any legs so if you have legs, start there. What are you grateful for? If you say things like, "my husband...if he wasn't so (fill in the blank)," just take off that last part and leave it at "my husband." Not mine. Yours. LOL

Keep the positive things and throw away the rest from your thoughts right now because what you focus on, you attract more of to your life. You'll get the hang of it. It takes practice. When I was first learning this I felt like a doof because I had to rearrange my thoughts a thousand times a day. Then I got down to being more positive and only had to adjust them hundreds of times per day. It became a game. And now only about five times per day do I still need an attitude tune-up. Of course on awesome days, who needs a tune-up at all, right?

3. Your self-confidence raises as you adjust your time to include yourself in peacefulness and get the hang of relaxation. Your mind will slow down as you learn to relax more often even for a few minutes at a time. It's okay if you mess up at first. We all do. Keep a tally and you can congratulate yourself when you screw up your Me Time or peaceful positive thoughts half as much as you do now. Then you deserve a little party to throw for yourself. When you begin to feel calmer, you will think more clearly without so much chaos. Then, you'll notice that it feels icky to think about things you dislike. You can guide yourself to focus on things you like and things, people and situations you want in your happy life.

You can also imagine something you are upset about being exactly how you want it to be instead of how it is now. See what you would see. Hear what you would hear and feel the feelings of everything going just right. The emotions you get from that imagination session is enough to begin attracting good things your way and the situation might even turn out better than it was going to. It's the Universal Law of Vibration. It's a real thing.


I know this may sound simplistic and silly because it is but that's only because we've made what is simple so damn hard for so many years. It doesn't have to be. It's taken us down a road of listening to everyone else about how to be happy and we've focused it all on other people and situations. That's not where it's at or how to fix it. Life is meant to be enjoyed and you deserve happiness and self-confidence; to know things will always work out and that you can handle whatever comes your way with grace and integrity. And of course, I suggest you throw some laughter in there as well.

Kelly Rudolph is a fun, empowering Life Coach and Hypnotist who created Positive Women Rock to guide women to greater self-confidence and happiness. If you're tired of feeling stressed and stuck, Kelly can help. Sign up for her free Life Strategies and get started now.