facebook

If Your Husband Cheated & Broke Your Trust, You Can Still Survive & Keep Going

Photo: getty
2 Steps To Surviving Infidelity After Your Cheating Husband Broke Your Trust
Expert
Heartbreak

Focus on your own well-being, regardless of his direction.

Demoted without notice from being his "significant" other to his "insignificant" other sucks.

For years, you’ve worked hard to be the most nurturing queen of your kingdom and suddenly, you’re de-throned and taken for granted.

Trusting your cheating husband again will be hard, but worse than that now, trusting yourself will become shaky. After all, you were so sure that he was your perfect life partner, how could your choice end up hurting yourself so badly?!

Surviving infidelity or an affair feels impossible. How do you keep going?

RELATED: 8 Fundamental Ways Being Cheated On Changes You

Affair recovery and learning how to get over being cheated on takes time, patience, and kindness towards yourself.

You may not understand why people cheat or why cheaters choose to betray their partners. But, regardless of why he cheated on you and what the outcome of your marriage might be, don’t allow it to ruin your future.

Instead, focus on your own happiness and your personal goals, especially important if you’re a mother. Your kids will silently feel for you, learn from you, and model after you as they grow up.

Here are the 2 steps you need to take to survive after your cheating husband's infidelity broke your trust. 

1. Cover your downside 

Assess your fundamentals to prevent feeling victimized.

Being cheated by your biggest supporter and protector is literally like having the rug pulled from under your feet. Understandably, you will feel shaky. At this time, it may be wise to take stock of what you have, so as to gain clarity of areas to work on, in order to re-establish your stability.  

Soul Coaching teacher Denise Linn teaches the best advice when handling bad news: "What’s your worst-case scenario?" If the worst happens and you’re still covered, then you can relax! 

Think about these items just in case the worst happens:

  • Accessible cash: Will you have enough to survive in case he leaves? Is there a way to provide for your kids if no supportive payment comes in from him immediately?
  • Sustainable income: Do you have a job? Or do you have skills that could quickly land you a job? Where would you go to find a job tomorrow?
  • Physical needs: Will you and your kids have a place to stay? Do you have the physical strength to carry on daily chores alone?
  • Supportive system: Who among your family and friends could you approach for emergency help? Who could you talk to for deep emotional support? Is there an agency you could turn to?

You may notice that these questions are a quick assessment of your ability to become independent. You’re right.

Whether you want to continue your marriage or not, your ability to be independent puts you in a stronger position in life. If you have good answers to all these questions, you’re going to be OK, come hell or high water!

RELATED: 5 Men Reveal How They Felt After Cheating On Their Wives

2. Build your upside 

Reflect on what used to happen to help you move toward what you want to see happen in the future. Make the pain worth your while.

Whether you will stay in this relationship or begin a new one, moving toward self-sufficiency allows you to establish a more balanced partnership with your man.  

The most "enlightened" form of relating is interdependence.

An interdependent relationship involves two self-sufficient persons who choose to share their lives together, out of love and the enhanced power of partnership, rather than out of need and tradition.

Interdependent relationships are seldom discussed because they don’t fit the Hollywood model. There is no drama involved. When partners truly respect each other, they will work out problems to mutual satisfaction. There is no sacrifice nor compromise, says psychotherapist Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D. These relationships last a long time.

Note that some men may not like this form of relating. Your husband may feel less than a hero when you don’t ‘need’ him. (That might say something about his lack of self-worthiness! Do you really want to stick around a man who forces you to stay weak just so he can feel better about himself?)

Only 1 percent of the world population understand how to relate like this, according to a Guy Counseling article by Bruno Boksic.

If you want to move toward an interdependent relationship for a fulfilling long-term marriage, consider fundamentals such as:

  • Are you each able to support yourself in key areas of life? Over-dependence can suffocate the partner. Money and happiness are common areas to watch.
  • Have you been sharing tasks? Avoid taking over a chore so much that your partner has no idea of the effort involved, which could fuel disrespect from him. Childcare and housework are common examples.
  • Have you been sharing power? Do you really understand his point of view? Men often don’t express their emotions well because our society trained them that way. You’ll lose him if you don’t play psychic a bit and respect him, by bringing his unspoken desires onto the decision table at the same time as voicing your own desires.
  • Are you looking after your health? Good health is important for a happy relationship. A weak and irritable partner is very difficult for any human being to handle.  This includes PMS.

Being superseded by another woman hurts. Please take care of yourself by watching your (and your children’s) survival needs first and foremost.

When you find yourself in negative thoughts, do your best to look at the past only as an assessment for your future. Use the pain as fuel to fine tune yourself and become an even better partner in a relationship.

RELATED: 10 Telltale Signs A Man Is Cheating On You

Kei K. Lam (a.k.a. Kei Kay) is a best-selling author and founder of the Compassion-Activation healing technique. She is a Relationship Healer, helping sensitive, spiritually-open moms with husband issues to restore peace in their life, so that their children can grow up in a loving home environment with confident, happy parents to model after. You can learn more about her work in this Free Training.

This article was originally published at superintelligencewellness.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.

Author
Expert