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That build their confidence.
By Kathryn Brown Ramsperger — Written on Oct 10, 2018
Strong, independent women make it a point to live their lives fearlessly, since they know you can't find true happiness without taking a few (reasonable!) risks along the way. But even the most empowered women can feel paralyzed by fear and uncertainty at times, which is why they practice strategies for how to be more confident every single day.
It all starts with owning your power and using it to overcome obstacles that hold you back from creating the life you want.
For example, some women fear traveling alone, which can keep them from pursuing opportunities. I'll never forget the time someone at a professional conference I attended came up to me and asked me if I'd traveled there alone.
"Yes," I responded simply.
"I've never been outside of my state alone," the 50-something-year-old woman told me.
My surprise must have shown in my face because she blushed, and I felt bad I'd shown my shock. I had been driving all up and down the east coast alone by the time I was 21, and I'd taken my first flight alone by the time I was 18.
I moved into my apartment at 22, driving a stick shift U-Haul with one bad wheel the whole way, after just one lesson in how to shift manual gears."Just keep it in second if it stalls," my father said with a grin and a farewell wave.
For me, traveling solo wasn't a big deal. But to her, it was an example of living fearlessly.
My youth and upbringing helped make me the confident, empowered woman I am today. But living fearlessly doesn't come naturally for everyone, especially if you weren't raised that way.
However, it's possible nurture a more fearless attitude, which is why even the most strong and independent women practice these 6 strategies for how to be more confident every day.
1. They remind themselves that their lives have no limits
“The caged bird sings with a fearful trill,
of things unknown, but longed for still,
and his tune is heard on the distant hill,
for the caged bird sings of freedom.”
― Maya Angelou, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings
Strong, fearless women know that they are not caged like Maya Angelou's bird, who longs for freedom but can't break its bars. The only one who's putting boundaries on your life is you.
Notice that the caged bird is afraid, even though it's never known life. You can be afraid as an agoraphobic television addict, or you can be afraid of having real-life adventures.
You have a choice, so stop playing the victim and get out there and live. You don't have to jump out of a plane today. The best growth is accomplished in a slow dance, not a race.
2. They do one thing a day that causes them discomfort
Empowered women know that stepping out of their comfort zones is the best way to create change — and possibly some wonderful memories in the process.
If you've never traveled alone, you don't have to drive from one end of the country to the other by yourself. You can drive thirty miles further than you ever have alone. Or five. Or one. You can stop and eat by yourself. You can go to a movie alone.
I'll never forget the time I went to see a play alone. I walked there because I had no car, and I knew very few people in the DC area. That day, in early spring, walking through falling cherry blossoms, is one of my best memories.I even remember how humid it was. These days, I long for the opportunity to go to the theater alone. It was fun.
I also got my job in DC completely alone. I called their human resources office once a week until I got hired. I was quaking in my boots every time I dialed that number. But I got the interview, and they loved me so much they made a job offer on the spot. That made me proud and gave me the confidence to move on to other jobs and promotions down the road.
3. They make stepping outside of their comfort zone a habit
Independent women know that consistency in forming any new habit is key. You can't just wake up on January 1st, do something that makes you uncomfortable, and then retreat back under the covers.
You have to do something small every single day. Feel into the fear, but keep it up!
Even eating alone a restaurant can be something that builds confidence. With practice, I advanced from eating home alone to dining out solo at TGI Friday's and then country clubs. I once ate alone in a five-star restaurant in Lyons, France, where they treated me like a princess!
You have to start somewhere, and you have to keep going, even when something or someone knocks you down. Champions are made through repetition and resilience. Confidence is built, not birthed.
In fact, scientists say the only way we'll get better at anything is through being in a state of "optimal anxiety." It's just outside our comfort zone. Too much anxiety and we're too stressed to be productive. Too little, and we don't grow.
Stress is good for us, in small amounts, until we've built enough confidence and are ready to take a big step.
4. Try something that terrifies you
Confident women face their fears. The worst that can happen is death, which is an outcome at some point for us all.
Wouldn't you rather live before you die? Wouldn't you rather experience love, even if it means possibly getting hurt? Wouldn't you rather help the world instead of hiding your light under a bushel? Wouldn't you rather know your soul's purpose, instead of being confused about where life is taking you?
For you, that might be standing up for yourself in a meeting, rather than doing a TED Talk. The point is to venture into the unknown and have faith you'll come out the other side
You can't wait for certainty. Taking the first step is the only certainty.
5. Keep a record and watch your progress
You may be thinking you can't do this — but that's just your fear talking. Even the most fearless women are frightened of things they must work to overcome.
For example, I get on planes, even though flying used to give me panic attacks. I sing, even though I'm a puddle of sweat by the end of a song. I go to parties where I know no one, and pretty soon, I know more people.
When you continually make an effort to step outside of your comfort zone, you'll start to develop more confidence in your choice to live fearlessly.
It's a process. So get on board, and once you fit into that fearless version of yourself you've been trying to become, pass the light along.
Kathryn Ramsperger, MA is an intuitive life coach and award-winning author. If you’re struggling living a fearless life, please email Kathy@groundonecoaching.com for a free consultation to explore her techniques that focus on empowering women by sparking their intuition and creativity to live their best life.