The Trick To Preventing Infidelity In Your Relationship

Are you ready to affair-proof your relationship?

happy couple

It's a sad fact that a lot of relationships end with one or both partners having an affair. Usually, either the affair is discovered by the other partner, and he/she angrily ends the relationship, or the person having the affair announces he/she is done with the relationship, with or without ever acknowledging the illicit relationship.

When a marriage or any romantic relationship sours, an affair is a painful yet convenient way to escape. It's easy to blame the affair, blame the person the affair was with or basically blame everything except the real problem: that someone's needs were not being met, so that person found a way to have them met elsewhere.


If you want to avoid the affair trap, the first thing you need to do is figure out what you are not getting from your spouse. Is it physical affection? Validation of your emotions? Acknowledgement of the things that bother you? Feeling prioritized? Feeling respected?

Once you sort that out for yourself, go to your spouse and ask him for it. Here's how:

  1. Explain the situation in a non-emotional way;
  2. Describe how it impacts you emotionally;
  3. Ask him to meet that need in a very specific way; and
  4. Ask him if this is something he is willing to do for you. Keep reading ...

More infidelity advice from YourTango:


You might want to also ask if there is something he needs from you. The only way we can be sure we are meeting our partners' needs is if they confirm what they want. Guessing and blindly throwing darts just hoping to hit the bull's eye gets us nowhere.

Once you have stated your need, given a clear, concise way he can help you achieve it and committed to fulfilling his needs, your relationship will be less susceptible to an affair. If it turns out that you haven't identified your needs correctly, go back to the drawing board and try again. If the truth is that your real need is to be out of this relationship, do both of you a favor and say that. It will not spare the other person's feelings if you keep trying to make something work that just isn't viable. All it will lead to is more and more dissatisfaction and more risk that one or both of you will fall into the affair trap.