10 Reasons You're Not Having Sex & How To Fix It!

Don't let these obstacles keep you from having the sex you deserve.

unhappy couple

Many people are unhappy with their sex lives, which is problematic because a healthy sex life is important for overall well-being. There are some common obstacles couples face when trying to maintain a healthy sex life, so once you identify your biggest sex blockades, you'll be able to figure out the best strategy to get around them and get back to your regular romping! 

Obstacle #1: There never seems to be enough time in the day.


The Solution: It's easy for sexy time to get pushed down on the to-do list but it's time to make it a priority! Find little ways to keep a sexy mindset about and with each other. Naughty texts and discreet dirty talk on the phone during the day can keep you ready to go. Schedule a date night and treat it as an opportunity to bring back the spark. Don't forget about quickies between your busy schedule! 

Obstacle #2: There is too much distance.

The Solution: Now that one out of five relationships are made from an online connection and many people have to go where their job takes them, the long distance relationship has become a necessity. But just because you're in different places doesn't have to mean a lack of sexual connection!


Classic phone sex is a favorite. Using new technology such as Skype can keep you face to face while you mutually masturbate and can share in the sounds and visuals of your partner. Make sure you schedule some body to body time too though: visiting and letting your skin to skin friction is really important to keep a relationship going over the distance. 

Obstacle #3: When you've been with your partner a long time, it's easy to get comfortable with our seduction of one another.

The Solution: Take a weekend to bring back the mystery. Take care of your hygiene needs with the door closed, wear sexy things to bed and don't get dressed in front of each other, so that it will be a pleasant surprise!

Obstacle #4: You have kids.


The Solution: Parents love their children, but that doesn't mean that the need for sex should fly out the window! If you have friends with kids, offer a swap, they'll take all the kids one night and you'll take them on another. That way both sets of parents have some important and uninterrupted time together.

If the kids are watching TV or settled in with their homework, go in the next room and make out for a few minutes, but make sure you don't get caught. You can hug and kiss each other when the kids are around because it's a good thing to let kids see their parents are affectionate with one another.

Obstacle #5: You have way too much work at the office and home.

The Solution: It can be hard to leave work at the office, so you either end up working late or spend too much time thinking about it at home. Either way it's not a very erotic mindset so one easy trick can be to take a few minutes to write down all the work items that are floating around your head.


Just a sentence or two to remind you later, but at least for a little while you can let the paper hold those work thoughts so you can focus on feeling erotic with your partner Being happy in the bedroom can result in a happier you in the boardroom!

Obstacle #6: There is a loss of libido.

The Solution: Whether it's a medication, high levels of stress or the disappearance of your own sexual self, the loss of libido can feel crippling. But it doesn't have to be.

Talk to you doctor if you're taking medication, take a vacation, even if it's short to set your burdens down for at least one day. Reconnect with your own sexual desires with hot steam showers using the soap to not just clean you but make you focus on each of your body parts. Be sensual and slippery because you might just slide into some lascivious desires!


Obstacle #7: Life is too serious.

Adults frequently forget how to play because there's always so much to do, so many responsibilities to live up to and obligations to meet. But play is fundamental to human nature, so make a conscious effort to enjoy each other's company in playful ways, even if it isn't immediately sexual.

By loosening up and letting go you'll be reminded of why you were attracted to each other in the first place. Have fun and giggle together; sex is best when enjoyed with a smile!

Obstacle #8: You are exhausted.

The Solution: This one can be a combination of many of the issues above, but deserves its own response. It can be easy to feel "all or nothing" about sex, but that’s just not how it has to be. Having a soft and sensual kissing session without expectation of more can be just right for a romantic, low key time together. Or watch a movie to wind down and stroke each other’s skin while snuggling. You don’t have to swing from the rafters or have wild crazy sex to feel amorous.


Obstacle #9: You feel guilty.

The Solution: Maybe it's a vestige of your youth when you were told that sex was bad and it's been hard to completely get that out of your head. Or maybe the guilt could come from all the things you could be doing rather than enjoying your own pleasure. Either way, you deserve to take time out to feel pleasure and to bond with your partner. So, do it with a clear conscious and forget about all those mundane needs for a while.

Obstacle #10: It's so boring.

The Solution: Are you tired of the same old things when it comes to your bedroom playtime? Do you each fall back on safe moves when it comes to positions or foreplay? Well, then try new things out!


Find some erotica that turns you on and read it while groping each other. Pick out some porn together to have as background stimulation. Have sex in the living room or kitchen instead of the bedroom. Use a new sex toy and just get creative! You are in control and you get to direct the sexual adventure.