Photo: Marcel Strauß | Unsplash, Duané Viljoen, pick-uppath | Canva
There's more to a great man than meets the eye — if you know where to look.
By Julie Orlov
Last updated on Feb 20, 2024
"Nice" has become the new four-letter word for many people these days. They associate nice men with having qualities like as boring, passive, and unromantic. Or, they have encountered one too many men who wear niceness as a disguise.
I’m not sure how this happened. I guess that it's partly related to how the media portrays “strong” versus “weak” men and partly related to our biology — women neurologically look for traits in men that will ensure that their offspring will have good genes, be provided for, and be protected.
But there's so much more value to men than just their protection, earning ability, or toughness. Men can be kind, loving, empathetic, compassionate, nurturing, and more — and it's time we see the value in these characteristics.
Here are 5 qualities all the best guys possess (so look out for them!)
1. The best guys have integrity
They say what they mean and do what they say. No games.
Photo via Getty
2. The best guys care about others
They have compassion and empathy for others.
3. The best guys have a desire to protect you from harm
They understand the impact of their actions and act accordingly.
4. The best guys want to support you in meeting your needs and asking the same from you.
There is give and take.
5. The best guys understand what creates passion and intimacy in the long run.
For them, trust is the name of the game.
Women have collapsed Hollywood’s version of the bad boy/strong male with our biology’s version of what qualities make for a good mate. Over time, women have gotten it all wrong — nice guys have been given a bum rap, and both men and women are losing out because of it.
The lie women have been fed is that only the “bad” boy can provide enough passion and power to make a woman feel like a real woman. This has resulted in women erroneously associating sexual passion and a whole lot of emotional drama with love. And while the excitement of being with a not-so-nice guy can be intoxicating in the short term, these encounters typically end up in heartbreak, confusion, or trauma.
Nice guys, on the other hand, demonstrate their strength and passion over time. They aren't in any hurry. They know who they are and what they have to offer. They don’t need to be center stage; they don’t need to be the loudest, fastest, and most boisterous ones in the crowd. They just need to be appreciated for who they are and what they bring to the table.
Don’t underestimate the nice guy. Remember who wins the race in the end. Both women and men need to re-calibrate their definition of what makes a man strong. I’d like to offer an idea, great men are truly nice guys! Now go out and find one!
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Julie Orlov is a psychotherapist, consultant, speaker, and author of The Pathway to Love: Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery
This article was originally published at Julie Orlov . Reprinted with permission from the author.