10 Liberating Realities You Must Accept In Order To Be Happy After Divorce, According To A Psychologist
Most people overthink or don't think at all while recovering from a divorce.
Vagengeym_Elena, Kameleon007 | Canva If you’ve caught the dramedy, The Hitman, you’ll remember both main characters are in some phase of the post-divorce recovery journey. You may have noticed that, while they are each trying to figure out who they are, and who they want to be, they don’t spend a lot of time overthinking it. They are in action.
The "action" is what gets you moving from pain to happiness. As you move forward, you can figure out the mistakes you’ve made, so you don’t make the same ones next time. To help you in your post-divorce recovery, I share ten key principles to focus on to keep you moving and growing.
10 principles the happiest people embrace while recovering from divorce
1. It's time to figure out who you really are and be yourself
Who you are in a relationship is not always the same as who you are solo. Identify your likes, dislikes preferences, wants, and needs. Then be the person you really want to be.
2. You must be honest with yourself and others
Sometimes you have to dig deep to know your truth. Often you know what you honestly think or want, but telling someone else is another matter. Being true to yourself is the best way to live.
3. Stop trying to make others happy
No one can make you happy and you cannot make someone else happy. Happiness comes from within when you're living the life that's right for you, not for someone else.
4. You can leave miserable situations
A relationship should not feel like it’s killing you. You should not be miserable.
While relationships require work and effort, if you're the one trying to do it all, you're going to be miserable. If you think your partner is up to no good, they probably are.
5. Fooling yourself only makes you feel like a fool in the end
Whether it's about money, security, or passion, telling yourself a relationship is right when it's not is doomed to failure. Fooling yourself will inevitably backfire!
JLco Julia Amaral via Shutterstock
6. It's OK to trust your instincts
Sure it's hard to know what to do when you're suddenly thrust into singledom. Take your time and let your creativity emerge. Whether it's starting a new project or meeting new people, go with your gut.
7. Life as if it's short
Be sure to enjoy it to the max and get the most out of every single day. Figure out how to approach each day with a positive mindset. That's the, "I got this" mindset.
8. You deserve happiness
Whether it's your career, friends, or favorite shoes, if it's not hurting anyone, why shouldn't you have what you want?
9. You can be happy and independent
Almost every woman I know(and some of the men, too) who's been divorced says that they never realized they could be so happy while independent. Set your goals, find your strengths, and forge ahead. In other words: "You can do it!"
10. Taking care of yourself is a gift to everyone
No one knows what you need the way you do. Whether it's the amount of sleep you need, your morning run, or your favorite coffee, you must be sure you get what you need. It's how we de-stress.
If you follow each of these principles, you'll be happier now and be well on your way to avoiding future relationship mistakes.
Judith Tutin, Ph.D., ACC, is a licensed psychologist and certified life coach. She shares more work in her book, The Post-Divorce Survival Guide.