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P.S. Your kids will benefit, too.
By Jessica M. Miller — Written on Apr 07, 2016
It’s easy to get caught up in being the perfect mother and lose sight of the importance your relationship with the person you started this life with, your husband.
In today’s world, mothers juggle more commitments with work, family time, and social engagements. As a result, husbands feel more left out than ever before. In a poll of 2,000 husbands, nearly 50 percent admitted that they resent the relationship between their wives and their kids.
The bottom line is — you need to be aware that every time you say "Yes" to your kids, you're essentially saying "No" to your husband.
Not sure if you're role as mom trumps your role as wife? Here are three signs it definitely does:
1. You encourage your kids to try out for multiple extra curricular activities.
The lack of limits in this area ends up grooming your kids for a life of feeling overwhelmed and thinking that being over-scheduled is normal. And I know that’s not the example you want to set.
At the end of the day, if you’re out shuttling kiddos from one activity to another, it’s impossible for you to sit down at home with your partner and connect. The solution is simple, commit to letting each of your kids pick one activity at a time, so that you can hang up your chauffeur hat and stay home more to snuggle up to your hubby.
2. Your kids invade your bedroom without boundaries.
Tell me if this sounds familiar: You say "night-night," your kid crawls in your bed, looks up at you with big pleating eyes and begs, "Please mommy, just one more book?" Forty-five minutes later, you emerge from the bed after reading yourself to sleep and your child is now in your room instead of her own. (Yep, I’ve been there, too.)
Establish a set routine (one book, read in her own room) and stick to it consistently, you'll demonstrate to your kids that they can trust you to keep your word.
Your marital bed is a sacred space for you and your spouse to share. So create a safe space for your children in their own beds. Doing this can actually be a marriage saver.
3. You jump to cater to your kids' every question and whim.
If you have the patience to answer, "Mom where do grasshoppers go to the bathroom?" or "Watch me jump my monster truck (for the 210th time) today," well done, you’re a natural nurturer.
But kids don’t understand that 'adult time' matters, too. It's not OK for them to continually interrupt when your husband is sharing his day with you.
Explain that they're not to interrupt unless they're bleeding or in significant physical pain. Trust me, kids catch on to this rule and can handle waiting their turn for a while. And trust me, your partner will be oh so grateful for your time and focused attention.
It’s easy to forget about your role as a wife because being a mom takes up so much time.
As women, our roles never end. And, if you're doing one (or, all three) of these behaviors, you’re doing a great job rocking the mom role. But, the key to a good marriage is successfully balancing both roles, wife and mother.
Never forget that the beginning stages of change are always rough and awkward. Readjusting standards, rules, and limits with kids is no easy task. Nor is breaking your own familiar, comfortable habits (even when they're not truly serving you). But in the end, everyone in your house will feel less stress and far happier because of the changes you make.
Jessica is the author of Back 2 Love and How to Start a Mental Health Private Practice. Check out her YouTube channel, Super Living for more relationship advice.
