How to start a conversation about opening your marriage.
By Jenny Block — Written on Jun 06, 2008
I've been having a tough time trying to decide in what order to answer your questions and respond to your comments. There are so many terrific ones and I promise to do my best to get to them all. It seemed to me that it would make sense to answer them in "order." That is, from the beginning stages of opening a relationship forward. So, this week, I thought I might start at the very beginning with a question that I get all of the time.
Unfortunately, it's not an easy one to answer.
Here's how the email usually goes:
Dear Jenny,
My husband/wife and I are interested in opening our marriage/relationship. I want to talk to him/her about it. But I don’t know where to start. I'm afraid he/she will misunderstand and leave/be angry/be sad. What should I do?
Best,
(Fill-in-the-blank)
If you're in an honest, loving relationship, you should be able to talk to your partner about anything. That doesn't necessarily mean he or she will feel the same way about the topic as you. But they certainly should be willing to listen with understanding and without judgment.
That, of course, can be difficult when it comes to this subject, as some people believe that it isn't possible to be in love with more than one person at a time or to have sex with people outside of a primary, committed relationship. But it is possible. Maybe not for everyone. But there are lots of successful "alternative" relationships out there. And that should be an assurance to you both.
The trick is this: you have to be willing to bare your soul and accept that you don't have control over what your partner's response might be.
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