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Are you listening?
By Jean Walters — Written on Jan 19, 2018
Many people ask, "How can I learn to trust my new boyfriend, spouse, friend, etc?" Yet, the real question is not about trusting others, but how to trust yourself.
As children, we are wide open and receptive. We trust our instincts and when confronted with low energy or a negative person. We cry, turn away, or run from the room. After a while, we are instructed that reactions of that sort are rude and inappropriate, and we are to give “Aunt Minerva” or whomever a hug — even though instinctively we know that Aunt Minerva is not a nice person.
Thus, in time, we dumb down the voice of our instinctive nature. The filtering factor that recognizes truth from non-truth is closed down, as it gets in the way of “getting along” with our tribal or family group.
In effect, we push our intuition — our inner knowing — away.
Along with this dumbing down, we were handed a set of beliefs, some of them quite limiting, and we accepted them. It was an issue of survival. Respecting others came before respecting ourselves. Popularity and people liking us seemed more important than liking ourselves. Belief in lack and limitation became the norm. And so it went.
We accept what we are told, and we observe our parents’ energy and actions — and that becomes our guidance, rather than trusting our own feelings. Thereby, you go along with the program to ensure acceptance. And that is when you destroy your self-trust.
Because you have put others opinions and beliefs ahead of your own, you have lost touch with yourself and the still small voice of intuition that resides within you. The voice is still present, but ignored. Concern for other’s acceptance is placed higher in your preferences than listening to your internal, spiritual guidance.
How does that relate to trusting others? Well, with the confusion of limiting beliefs, we find ourselves in a quandary of mixed thoughts and emotions. You have lost the ability to trust because you have lost your integrity in listening to and following your higher energy, or intuition.
Because you don’t trust yourself, you don’t know how to trust others. Put simply, when you trust yourself, you know who else you can trust.
The answer is within you. Your still small voice will tell you. Your job is to listen.
Taking this a bit further, because you have a history of ignoring your intuitive intelligence, you may also rationalize reasons for being in or staying with unhealthy relationships. In other words, you make up stories: I’ve known Julie since kindergarten, so I should trust her. Or, my parents told me this, so therefore it is the way to go. Or, you decided that Jim was a good guy simply because he has a lot of friends and is well liked.
Consequently, you let others do your thinking for you. You are taking everything at face value, and then wondering why you end up disappointed. But as you learn to observe people and relationships, the truth becomes obvious.
Trusting your own observations and intuition helps you develop the willingness to be open and honest with yourself.
This is how you begin the journey to self-trust — by drawing your own conclusions based on your observation of actions, words, and intention. This is not about judgment, but observation and deciding what works best for you.
When people don’t trust themselves, they quickly judge circumstances and people so they can feel safe. Of course, there is no safety in hiding and putting up walls of protection. That is just another avoidance technique. And when we default into judging without information, we will never have the life or love we desire.
As you listen and act on this intuitive voice, it grows in strength and supports you in your hopes and dreams.
Every one of us has a connection to our inner guidance system. It is ever-present and available. This intuitive guidance is always active and speaking to us.
It can come through as a gut feeling, an image (you can visualize where you lost your wallet), a sign (you hit every stop light at every intersection or a book you need to read falls on your head), or a knowing (an absolute definite feeling of how things really are). Trusting these feelings give you a lightness. When you go against it, you feel heavy, lack energy, and feel a kind of deadness. People say, “I’m stuck. I don’t know what to do or think.”
Generally, that means they have gotten their “instructions”, but are afraid to go against what they were taught to believe. So, now they are stuck in the past and afraid to move forward.
As a matter of practicality, “stuckness” indicates it is time to do something different, brash, courageous — take a step in a new direction and follow your intuition.
If you feel stuck, ask yourself, “What has my still small voice (feelings) been urging or prompting me to do?” Is there a new direction to travel? Perhaps, a “break-out” is required. A resolution will always involve looking at your situation with new eyes.
That means asking some appropriate questions: What is this situation trying to tell me? (Cue: it will always involve a propulsion forward; it is never a put-down.) What is the change I am being asked to make? What fear am I challenging? What is the next step toward my highest good?
You can even write these questions down and ask for guidance. By being open, your answers will come and, be aware, they will not be what you anticipated. You will always be urged toward a higher expression, not necessarily what your ego considers safe. Yet, by following this guidance, you will find peace and end up exactly where you wanted — or better.
Finding inner peace is a sign you have followed your intuition — the secret is learning to listen.
Remember, you are listening to higher energy. You are not being asked to jump off a cliff. You might be encouraged to do things you've previously feared or put off — but it is doable.
As you listen and follow, your life force will flow, your intuition will get stronger, and your energy will be renewed. Then, you will know how to trust yourself and with that comes your ability to know how to trust others.
Jean Walters is a St. Louis-based Transformational Coach, Akashic record reader, teacher and author of Set Yourself Free: Live the Life You Were Meant to Live! And Be Outrageous: Do the Impossible – Others Have and You Can Too! who helps women looking to create powerful change in their lives connect with their inner voice. You can reach her at her website, SpiritualTransformation.com.